Snow Angel
by Regardless1604
Summary: After a year of fighting illness to no avail, Angela has finally decided to return home and try to enjoy the last of her days with her loved ones. However, she knows that nothing but trials await her back in Castanet, but she holds onto life to look for the meaning of happiness amidst suffering. Written for the tumblr 30 day winter challenge.
1. Sweaters

**One and only disclaimer: Do I have any official connection to the companies and people that make Harvest Moon? No, no I do not. I also did not come up with the tumblr 30 day winter challenge. All I own is the writing in this story.**

**Chapter One**

Winter is a time for family, for children, for lovers. It's a time to come together and enjoy the holiday season with those we love; for drinking hot chocolate in the nippy air. It's for making snow angels and snowmen and kissing beneath the mistletoe. Sleigh rides and gift-giving, singing carols in the snow.

The smell of cinnamon and freshly baked cookies. Mmm.

It's the most wonderful time of the year, or at least that's what I used to believe.

After all, this is the winter I died.

But don't worry about me, I'm okay now. I'm simply here to tell you the story of my last winter in Castanet, that cute little town with the quaint friendly people. It's partially a love story, I suppose, but mostly a tale of my last fight: the fight for life and for happiness.

How successful I was, well… you'll find out soon enough.

This story starts a little over a year ago in autumn, right before harvest season started. I was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia (a nasty quickly spreading type of cancer) and was whisked away to the big city for treatment. Jin is a good man and an excellent doctor with great intentions, but his small clinic simply didn't have the means to rid me of my disease.

I spent months there, alone for the most part, horribly sick from the chemo and worried about my farm. I had visitors every now and then, mostly Kathy, but Chase would come along sometimes; those were my favorite days, when they came to cheer me up. Chase even baked me a cake on my birthday, but any of it that I had eaten was promptly thrown up.

Those months were some of the worst in my life, and after the doctors told me that the cancer had spread—that the treatment was not working—I had had enough. I left that hospital room, the chemo therapy that made me so miserable, and bravely decided to live out the rest of my days in the place that I loved.

They told me I'd be lucky if I lived for a year.

It was almost exactly a year of sickness later when I arrived back at my farm. I was wearily reunited with the townsfolk, shared a cup of tea at the inn with many of them and ate without losing my stomach contents for the first time in a long while. It was awesome. And so that brings us to the first day of winter.

The first snow was nowhere to be seen, the weather still much like autumn: nippy, but without the freeze winter usually brings. Regardless, I was freezing as I made my way to the clinic. It seemed the flu had been going around lately and in my condition, that's one of the worst things I could get.

"Hmm…" Dr. Jin made a concerned noise as he examined my throat. He then put his light and wood tongue presser down and took a quick glance at me. "Angela, are you cold?"

"Y-yes," I chattered out.

He narrowed his purple eyes as he took another glance. "You're bundled up as if there's a snow storm outside. There's not even a cloud in the sky."

I shrugged, knowing he already knew the reason why.

"Your immune system is severely compromised,"

Wait. What was that? Did I see a glint of pity in his eyes, a flash of grief cross his face? The usually stoic Jin, a doctor who had seen many illnesses all while keeping a calm, emotionless face—who reassured his patients that they would be fine without much enthusiasm—let his façade fall.

It almost hurt. I was used to being treated like a strong woman, a tough farmer who could take care of herself. Of course things had changed drastically, but still. Seeing him sitting there, his eyebrows slightly knit in concern; that bothered me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he turned away to scribble on a piece of paper.

"Here," he handed it to me. "This is a prescription for some strong antibiotics. You have the beginning signs of a cold; I don't want it turning into something worse."

By _worse_, anything could be potentially fatal.

I thanked him and left as quickly as I could; I couldn't keep myself together for much longer. You know all those stories written about "strong women," the ones that keep up the fight, the ones who don't cry, who don't let their emotions ever, ever affect them negatively? How they use their trials to make them stronger? I used to think I was one of them, but now my mind has been changed. Those "strong" women? They were stuff of fiction. You can still be strong, you can still be a leader, but never being scared or lonely or just wanting to cry? That's just a load of false hope.

I was scared. I was lonely. Of course, I would try my best to keep up my morale for the sake of my own sanity, but I had no idea how long I would be able to do so without my health completely killing me.

When I arrived home, I decided that no matter how cold I felt, I had to take off some of my coats and sweaters. As a farmer, I knew that it was a very dangerous thing to overheat and having gotten very sick from heat stroke in summers past, I was somewhat wary after Jin's comment about my attire.

When all my jackets and sweaters had been removed until nothing was left but a thin tank top, I couldn't help but frown at my reflection in the mirror. Where my arms used to be toned and muscular were thinner, atrophied limbs. My deep tan from working in the sun all year round was faded to a paler, almost sickly shade of peach and dark circles had slowly become dominant features on my thinning face. I ran my fingers through my hair, which was quite a bit shorter than I normally wore in; it had only recently started to grow back from my time in chemotherapy.

Who was this woman looking back at me, the one with the careworn eyes and tired body? She had my face, but at the same time it wasn't _me_. No, it was more like looking at my mother, whose once beautiful and youthful face seemed to age ten years right after my father had left off to God knows where. I had only been two years old, so I had never really known what kind of person he was.

Maybe that's why I tried to be so strong, so independent—it was because my mother had been just that very way. She took responsibility for me, with or without a husband (whom she had loved with all her life), and raised me to be as self productive and independent as possible, but at the same time to accept encouragement and help when it was needed. I suppose that if she had been a bitter woman when she raised me, I could've turned out much different. At this difficult point in my life, I could have no one to call a friend, having put up too many walls to keep myself from getting hurt. But that wasn't how I was taught.

She made sure that before I left home, I knew how to put doors in those walls to let people into my life, but also how to let them out. She was the reason I turned out the way I was, but as the years passed after I was an adult, she became angry and bitter, the exact opposite of how she wanted me to be. I guess she didn't think that I would notice now that she had done her job to get me out into the world, but I did. I saw every line weariness had etched into her face, I saw the scowl she made when my father was brought up. And, sadly, that was how she had died, bitter and convinced that having loved that wretched man and been loved in return was worse off than having never loved at all, asking always to no one in particular, "why _me_?"

And as I looked in the mirror, that's who I saw: a woman giving up the fight, the fight for happiness and for life. That was who I was slowly becoming.

But I refused.

I could _not_ let myself go down that path. While my mother was the person I respected and adored most in my life, I had the littlest bit of resentment that she had let all her talk of not needing anyone to be happy come back and turn on her. No, _I would not_ become my mother.

And that's when I saw it: that little bit of fierceness come back to my eyes, the determined fight I could see in my face. This was me, it was who I was. I took one last look at myself and thought with a sudden flare of pride, _I am my own person_.

But I didn't realize just how similar I was to my mother at the same time.

* * *

With only one heavy sweater on this time and a steaming cup of coffee, I headed outside to examine my farm. I had tried to ignore the dry dirt, the unfruitful piece of property my field had turned into, but I suppose I had to face it at some point. Sitting down against a tree, I ran my fingers through the soil. Ah, it felt nice to have the cold earth pass under my hand, something I hadn't done for a year; it felt _right_, as if I was always meant to work with the ground.

I took a drink of the strong black coffee, having missed its smooth, bitter flavor. It felt almost as if there was nothing wrong with my body as I closed my eyes and breathed in the clean country air. Before I could comfortably nod off, a voice caught my attention and brought me back to the real world.

"Angela," Kathy was standing over me, a smile on her face, but worry was horribly obvious in her eyes. "I came to visit you, but you weren't in your house. I almost didn't see you out here."

"Oh," was all I managed.

After a moment of studying my face, she spoke quietly, "Are you okay?"

I looked past her, steadying my bottom lip from quivering with frustration. "I'm fine. I just thought I'd come out here and, you know... reconnect. Get back to nature, and all that."

She nodded understandingly and sat down across from me and closed her eyes. "Yeah, I get you," she breathed in deeply and listened to the bird calls for a moment. "It really is tranquil out here—a wonderful life you made for yourself."

"Yeah, I guess it is," I couldn't help but notice how she sounded so, so... past tense. She probably didn't mean anything by it, just making small talk, but since that morning my mind had been taking in things and turning them negative. Of course, I was incredibly thankful for Kathy's support and her attempts to comfort me; in fact, she had been one of my closest friends since I moved to Castanet. She had introduced me to Chase, the chef at her father's bar, and while I don't think he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his, he certainly tolerates me with some amount of grudging approval.

We chatted for a bit longer, catching me up on the town gossip, who liked who, how she was sure that Owen would propose to her anytime soon now.

"Four years we've been together! Four years now, Angela, and still nothing!" She sighed in exasperation.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. "Maybe you should be the one to get the ball rolling. Go get that blue feather yourself, girl."

"Heh, maybe I will." Her gaze went somewhere distant, then her bright green eyes flickered back to me. "You still have that old thing?"

"What?"

She motioned with a flick of her chin towards me. "That horrible sweater. Why are you still wearing it?"

I looked down and smiled at the knit horse pattern. "I like it! After all, you're the one that gave it to me, so what are you complaining about?"

"I had no taste back then," Kathy replied wistfully.

"This was the gift that really made me realize that I had a friend here," I smiled as I remembered my first Christmas in Castanet. "I didn't have a single person to spend the holidays with; I was still the odd new addition to the town that wasn't quite at home. Then there you came, bringing leftovers from that night and a gift wrapped box."

"You seemed lonely,"

"But that was when I realized that in this small town that's full of traditions I never had, someone accepted me. And that was how I knew that I belonged here. And I'm still here, all because of you and this sweater."

"Well, I wouldn't quite put it that way," she said a bit mockingly, but the smile on her face said yeah, she gets me. "But if our friendship if represented by a hideous sweater, then I'm just a little bit scared to know what kind of friendship that is."

We shared a good laugh and I finally knew that I was back at home.

* * *

**A/N: Yo, yo, yo, I'm back! Haven't written much fanfiction in a while, so I thought I'd end off my run on this site with a full length, thirty chapter story. I started this one over the summer, inspired by the themes from the 30 day winter challenge I found on tumblr. I'll put a link to it on my page so you can find it too. Aaand, because it's meant to be a consecutive thirty days, there will be a new chapter everyday until new years. I did something similar to this with Kingdom Hearts two years ago and I was really happy with the way it turned out. Check it out if you like ;)**

**Anyway, the theme for this chapter was sweaters. Also, I decided not to list this story under romance because I want it to be much more than that. Same reason why I listed Angela as the only character. So um, yeah :)**

**Reviews are more than welcome, let me know what you think so far!**


	2. Snowball Fights

**Chapter Two**

Within a day, the temperature seemed to drop by a good thirty degrees: the perfect environment for snow. But the sky remained cloudless, to the disappointment of many.

However, I found myself thankful for it. I decided that I would try to grow at least one more batch of flowers and without there being snow on the ground, it made things much easier. Despite that fact, I still wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep up on the work. My anemia was getting worse and the fatigue it caused was so bad that I was having trouble standing for more than ten minutes. However, I gathered my strength and before I made my way to Marimba farm to purchase some seeds, I took a quick look inside my barn.

The eerie feel of abandonment put shivers down my spine as I zipped up my jacket. I had to sell all my animals before I left for the city, including my prize cow Dandy. I soon found out that she had died a few months after I had left, but she was so old that I shouldn't have been surprised. I had Cain come over and help me bury her behind my house, the only place in town where dandelions grow wild. It seemed to be grimly fitting for the old cow, considering her name. I breathed in one last whiff of the sweet smell of hay then closed the large doors.

"Angela!"

I jumped as a small voice called my name. I looked around and my eyes widened when I recognized the owner of the voice. How could I have been so forgetful since I arrived?

"Finn? Where are you?"

"I'm over here! Look down!"

That's when I saw the sprite, but joy was not my first reaction. "What's happened to you?"

He was fluttering around my feet as though he couldn't get any higher. The magical light that always seemed to sparkle around Finn was so dull that it was almost gone.

He looked up at me with hollow eyes. "Oh, Angela; I haven't been doing well since you left. I think I may fade for good."

* * *

"I'm sorry, my dear."

I looked up at the divine face with disbelief. "What do you mean I'll... I'll _lose_ him?"

The goddess had so much sadness in her eyes that I couldn't bear to look into them. It was like she was showing me my past—my horrible, horrible past—and my future: nothing good could come of my illness.

Since I had come back to Castanet, I had had so much on my mind that I completely forgot to visit the Harvest Goddess or even think about where my guardian sprite had gone off to. It wasn't until Finn had told me that it was majorly important that we went to the goddess pond that I had even realized how long it had been since I needed to see her. Now that I was here, after so long without even thinking about her, I felt like I was out of place; as though I didn't belong or deserve to be in the divine grove.

"You do not realize how strong the bond between you and your sprite has become. When you left, the connection was ripped apart and Finn was sent into a deep sleep; it was not until today that the connection reformed completely and he was able to wake." She gracefully bent down and picked up Finn. "What you do not know is that when a sprite forms such a strong connection with a human, their very life force is connected to them."

"Just like the sprites that are connected to the bells," I ventured.

The goddess smiled, but it was one without cheer. "Yes, much like that. But I am grieved that while bells cannot die, humans can. Your sickness—"

I understood all too fast. "You're not saying that... that he's dying at the same rate I am?"

She closed her eyes. "I am afraid that it is much worse than that. He will fade twice as fast as you are: the weaker you become, the faster he will be gone forever."

"I'm sorry," the words slipped out as nothing more than a whisper.

Finn jumped from her hands and held onto my hair as he tried to hug my face. "Oh, please don't be sad! I can't have you being sad after I just woke up! Waah, Angela!"

As the sprite wailed and told me how he was sorry, nothingness seemed to wash over my entire body. Numbness reached into my limbs, but gentle yet firm hands caught me before I could hit the ground.

"I can't be responsible for this," I murmured. "Please don't let me. Please."

She loosened her grip on my arms as she slowly sat me on the ground. "I never said you had to be."

That's when the thought hit me. I knew, I just _knew_, she would refuse like last time, but I had to try again. I grabbed at her receding arms and the goddess looked at me with a flash of surprise. "What is it child?"

"Heal me," I pleaded. "Oh please, all I ask is that you heal me."

Her face became expressionless. "You know that I cannot."

"I'll do anything—" I tried to beg, but she cut me off.

"Angela, stop. You are only making your agony worse."

The sharpness in her voice took me by surprise. I had never heard that tone in her melodic speech. The Harvest Goddess stood up, leaving me sprawled and helpless at her feet. _Look at me_, I thought as I stared hard into the ground, _I'm pathetic_.

"Do not venture there," her voice had returned to soft understanding. "You are anything but pathetic."

"I thought I told you I hate it when you read my mind," I said bitterly, refusing to meet her gaze.

She ignored the comment and continued. "You are special, Angela. You were the only one who could save me and my land from dying, and I will eternally remember you for that. You are brave and selfless, but I'm afraid your hardest task is yet to come. When the time comes, you cannot let dark thoughts consume you or it will be your undoing."

Finn had gone quiet on my shoulder. I finally dared to meet her gaze: it was sad, but it was also full of strength. She was trying to increase my morale, but not without a warning.

"What... what do I need to do?"

Her eyes flickered to Finn. "What do you _need_ to do? That is a broad question, Angela. If you mean what do you need to do to help Finn; well, that is an easily answered question. You have to prove just how selfless you are willing to be... You must cut your connection to him."

"I... what?"

Then what seemed like every moment with my precious little friend flashed through my mind. All the times he encouraged me to go on, made me laugh, or the many occasions he acted as my conscience. How did I last in the city without him?

"He is a guardian sprite for humans: once the connection is gone, you will not be able to make it again without causing his death."

"Will I still be able to see him?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid not."

A sudden shock of anger hit me. "But I can see Daren! A-And Collin, and—"

"You have special sight: you can see those which others cannot."

"Then why will I not be able to see Finn?!"

Her patient expression didn't falter. "He is different,"

"But _why_?"

"It is beyond human understanding."

"Th-there has to be something I can do!"

Her steady gaze faltered. "I suppose there is... no, there is no way."

That slight pause, the unsure hint to her voice—I leapt on it and took my chance. "There has to be, I don't care how dangerous or impossible it may seem. I may not be able to read minds, but I saw a sliver of a chance in your face just now. _Please_,"

The goddess was silent for a long time. Her eyes were steadily trained onto the top of Garmon Mine, where the Harvest King sat coldly on his throne. "_He_..."

The way her voice sounded distant and her eyes held a soft sadness to them was enough to tell me who she was talking about.

"He may be willing to help you, but not without a price."

"I'll pay it, if he can keep Finn alive or even..."

She looked at me quickly, already knowing what I was going to suggest. No, never mind. If she couldn't heal me, then he would also refuse. Unless... no. Even if he could, the Harvest King would not heal a mortal. I knew the kind of divine being he was.

"You do not have the strength to make it to him yet," her voice cut through my thoughts.

"But I don't have to climb anymore, there's a teleport—"

"Even that will sap your strength."

"Then how...?"

"Here," the goddess held out her hand to help me stand then placed a single seed in my palm. It was the size of an avocado pit but was white and shimmered lightly with magic. "I should not be giving this to you, but consider it a... final gift."

A lump formed in my throat with the last two words. She was giving me something magical, something that humans should not have, but... a final gift? Why did I have to go so soon, and why did she seem to know for a fact that I had to? I could live for a while longer, the doctors had told me! But should I take their word over a goddess's? It wasn't fair that I had to make these decisions, me of all people, it just wasn't—no. Stop it, Angela. I thought I had just told myself the other day not to let my mind wander there. I wasn't better than any other person in this town, I didn't have the right to expect better things than others.

I looked up at her face, her expression expectant, waiting for a response. "Wh-what... what does this do?"

"It is a seed from my tree," she gestured slightly to the magical plant growing behind her. "The fruit it bears will sustain you for a day longer and will give you strength as if your sickness was almost gone. Mortals are not to eat this fruit, but I am afraid that I am more compassionate than the, ah, _others_. Perhaps that is why I am the patron of farmers, the ones that need the land's mercy. You see, Angela, I was once mortal, like you; the same is true for my counterpart." She gestured to the mountaintop. "However, as the centuries have gone by, he has lost his warmth for what he used to be. We have both gained great wisdom, but we have lost so much more; his bitterness overtook him, but I have tried not to let it change me. That is why I will have mercy on you for now, but you may not be so lucky when you visit the king."

* * *

Before I had left her pond, the Harvest goddess told me that I must plant the seed in a special place to my heart or else it would not grow. After Finn had learned of Dandy's death, he suggested that I plant the seed on the old cow's grave. As I exited my tool shed with a shovel I took a distasteful look at the sky.

"And here I was hoping that it wasn't going to snow."

Finn made a sneezing sound from my shoulder. That seemed to be his new spot now that he couldn't fly close enough to my head. He sat there contently without being bounced around too much now that I was forced to walk slowly because of the weakness setting in.

"But I thought you loved snow," the sprite put in. "You always said you love the way it makes everything so clean and white."

"Yeah, I guess I did. But snow is harder to work in,"

"You don't plan on doing farm work in... in your condition! It's unhealthy!"

I looked down to give the sprite a bewildered look. "I can take care of myself; after all, I just want to grow some winter flowers, nothing labor intensive."

"I just don't hurt yourself, that's all." Finn whispered.

I stopped walking and put my shovel down; I had barely reached the backside of my house before the fatigue really got to me. Maybe he was right. Just walking took a lot out of me—pathetic, I know—and I didn't know how well I could even plant something as easy as flowers. However, a thought came to my mind as I took the large magic seed out of my pocket.

"What if I only work on planting the day I eat the fruit from this plant?"

"Huh?" Finn looked up at me. "B-but I thought you were only supposed to use it to visit the Harvest King?"

"But she never said I couldn't,"

Finn went quiet for a moment. "W-well... I just don't want you to get in trouble!"

"I know, I know," I smiled down at my eccentric little friend. I just wasn't sure how I could do without him there trying to keep me safe and always worrying about my wellbeing. "By the way, do you know how many magical fruits come off this plant?"

"O-one?" the sprite smiled sheepishly up at me and laughed nervously.

"How many, _really_?"

He was obviously reluctant to answer. "...Fine! It's three, only three pieces grow, and then the plant remains dormant."

So I had three days of strength; it was better than nothing. I looked at the grey sky, trying to figure out how far that could keep me going and when the best times to use them would be. Before long, a cold piece of white fluff landed on my face. I looked around to see that a light snowfall had started, still soft enough to disappear when each flake touched the ground.

"I guess I should get started," I picked up my shovel and started digging next to the smooth grey river rock that served as a headstone. Once I went through the old familiar routine of planting and watering, I had to sit down and take a break. The short walk to the watering hole at the front of the house and having to carry the full can back had wiped me out; my shoulders ached terribly and my legs were shaky.

This was ridiculous. I had barely done anything.

"Angela, please don't overwork yourself," Finn said.

"I know," I panted as I took a painful seat on the ground. "I still want to go to Marimba Farm to pick up some flower seeds, though. I just don't know if I'll be able to make it."

"Oh!" The sprite jumped on my shoulder. "It's already winter; do you think they'll be selling Christmas trees yet?"

"Hm? Oh, probably. But... I'm probably not going to get one this year." I took a long drink of water and closed my eyes. "I don't know if I'm really in the mood to have Christmas on my farm this year."

"B-but what about caroling? And decorating? And all the traditions that you love so much—I always love helping you roast chestnuts and build snowmen and, and—"

"Finn!" I stopped him. "I didn't say I wasn't celebrating the holidays in general, I'm just saying that I don't feel like decorating my house or my barns. I... I don't really have that much to celebrate this year; all my cows are gone and my coop and fields are empty. I'm pretty much on my own this Christmas and I'm not sure I want to, you know, deck the halls without them."

"But..." Finn sounded like he was tearing up and he hopped down into my lap. "You still have _me_, don't you? You're not _all_ alone. I'm still here."

I couldn't think of what to say. I couldn't just flat out tell him that he might not be here for long and that the odds were definitely not in his favor. If those words were to come out of my mouth, it would only discourage the both of us. So instead I mustered up a smile and scooped him up to affectionately poke him on the cheek.

"You're right, Finn; I'm sorry that I said I was completely alone. C'mon, let's go price Christmas trees."

* * *

After a long, slow walk down to Flute Fields, snow had already started to gather on the ground in melting blobs, trying its best to form a soft blanket but failing. Before I was able to enter the seed shop I felt something hit the back of my neck with an icy _spludge_.

"Got you!" Taylor cried happily as he ran behind a shed.

"Hey! I thought you said _I_ could get the next person," another young voice complained from its hiding place. Behind a bush an orange ponytail popped up along with Chloe's face and she angrily looked around for her friend. "You get back here, Taylor, so I can get you instead!"

I was wiping the damp ice from my neck when the little girl turned to me.

"Miss Angela! Come over and help me attack him with snowballs!"

Before I could decline, she ran to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me along.

"Here," She handed me an icy, misshapen snowball. "I tried to make a bunch so I could just take them around with me, but it's not cold enough."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I can tell."

"Now, I think I saw Taylor go over—"

"Taylor, Chloe, what are you doing?" Ruth came out from the house, her expression perplexed. "I thought I told you already to leave customers out of your games. You're only bothering the people who come by."

From her tone of voice, I could tell that they had been doing this for a while. While Marimba Farm usually didn't get customers all day, during Christmas tree season they were quite a bit busier, the same way it was in fall when they set up their pick-it-yourself pumpkin patches.

As the frustrated woman came down to meet me, I waved off her remarks. "It's okay, they weren't bothering me at all. In fact, I remember getting overly excited during the snow season when I was a kid, so I can't blame them."

"If you say so, Angela. Now, what can I interest you in—let me guess, a tree? We have some lovely firs in this year."

I nodded. "I would also like to grow some flowers. Are your anemone seeds still in stock?"

Ruth looked me up and down before raising an eyebrow. "You plan on working this winter?"

"Well, I am a farmer. I kinda do that every season."

"Well, I suppose it's not any of my business," her voice came down to a hush. "But don't you think it's a bit, you know, _dangerous_ for you to be working in your, um, condition?"

I sighed, but tried to keep a smile on my face. While Ruth was difficult to get to know, she had her little group of gossip buddies—the other moms, like Hanna, Barbara, and Colleen—and they would usually meet at the inn cafe to chat about all the things they had heard around town that week. I didn't want to become a topic of gossip so I answered with a simple "I'll be fine," and made my way into the shop.

"Oh, Angela," a voice behind me said my name as I was paying for the seeds. I turned around to see Anissa standing there with her son Van, who she had bundled up for the cold weather. My face split into a grin as she came over to hug me. "How have you been?"

"I'm... surviving." I said with a laugh and from the corner of my eye I could tell that Ruth was trying to look busy as not to seem like she was paying attention to our conversation. I then turned my attention to Van. "Wow, you've gotten so big! How old are you now?"

"Six," he stared at me from behind a thick pair of glasses. This kid was pretty solemn for his age, but considering who his father was, I couldn't be all that surprised.

Jin and Anissa had been married for almost as long as I had been in Castanet, so it was obvious that their child was older than the other children with parents around the same age as his. In fact, Chloe, Taylor, and Paolo were his age when I had moved here, making them almost teens now.

Jeez, I suddenly felt old.

Of course, the achy joints and tiredness certainly helped with that, but still. I was only in my early thirties, for the love of... Oh, never mind. I put my grumbling thoughts behind me and turned my attention back to Anissa.

"Wouldn't you like to go play outside with the other kids?" She was saying to Van. "They're making snowballs, doesn't that seem like fun?"

When he refused to join the other kids, Anissa sighed then turned to me, smiling as she beckoned for me to follow her to the dining room table.

"You know," she started as she poured both of us tea, "I've recently been studying homeopathic medicines. I think it'd be good for you to look into, with all the herbs and things. Some people seem so closed to the idea, but you seem more... open minded. I mean, about natural healing and stuff."

"Because I'm a farmer?" I looked at her from behind my tea cup.

She looked away bashfully. "Well, yes, but... there have been results! Good ones, so I think it works."

"Ah, I don't know..."

I had gotten along with Anissa since I had met her, mostly because we shared the same interest. While we were never super close—like with Kathy—she always seemed to know what she was talking about. She wasn't always confident, but the farmer had a good heart and always went out of her way to help me. Normally I would've taken an interest in these things, but lately... I don't know. I just wasn't up for more healing. After all, the doctors didn't seem to think I had more than a year.

"Angela? Are you okay?" Anissa reached across the table to put her hand on mine. "You seem conflicted."

"I..." I pursed my lips. "I just don't know what I'm looking for these days. Should I look for a better treatment or should I just give up? I can still be strong, but everybody seems to think I need help. The doctors tell me I have no hope. People look at me like I can't take care of myself. Just, ugh! Everyone has a different answer but the conclusion is that I will always need help! I don't want that—I've done perfectly fine on my own up until this point and I can't see why I'm suddenly not allowed to do that."

She stared at me in shocked silence then opened her mouth slightly. "It's because... humans always fall apart," she said quietly. "Some just fall apart faster than others."

I sat back in my chair and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yeah, I guess I'm falling apart. Blood cancer... sorta ironic, I guess. Life is kept in the blood, but mine is mercilessly trying to kill me. It's just humans always find a way to fix things, even a temporary fix that's, like, taped together. I can't see why I shouldn't have the privilege of being fixed for just a little while."

"But... you do." Finn said from my shoulder. Then I remembered the tree. Maybe this was the Harvest Goddess taking pity on me because life wouldn't give me a break from this illness. Compassion, that's what the gift was. Three fruits for three days of healing.

Then the idea hit me.

Fruit.

"Anissa," I suddenly lurched forward, making her flinch a bit. "Can you make jelly out of any kind of fruit?"

It took her a second to take the confused expression from her face. "W-well yes, I believe so. Why?"

The wheels were spinning so fast in my head that I had to think to get the words out sensibly. "If I were to bring you some fruit—and I mean a kind that you've probably never seen before—would you be able to make me some jelly out of it? I'll pay you whatever you like for it."

"A kind I've never seen before?" She looked at me, bewildered.

"And you have won awards for your canning, right?"

"Yes, I guess so, but—"

"I'll explain it to you later," I got up from my chair and started to put my coat back on.

"Wouldn't you like to stay for soup? I make it every Friday night,"

"I would love to, but I have to go. Maybe some other time?" Before she could protest I waved goodbye and made my way outside.

The kids were still trying to make snowballs out of the slush. However, the temperature was starting to drop rapidly and their efforts were barely starting to pay off. As I made my way back to my house, I felt a lot like those snowballs: while I trying hard to stay together, I just kept falling apart. But now I had a new factor to add in that could help my struggle. The kids had cold temperatures on their side and I... well, I had magical gifts from a goddess on mine.

* * *

**A/N: So anyone who has gotten to know me on this site knows that I absolutely adore the Harvest Goddess, especially when it comes to expanding the mythology of this series. And that's exactly what I'm doing :) And remember the power berries from the old games? Yeah, I'm using those too. Fun times.**

**And thank you to my reviewer and readers! I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it~**

**Until tomorrow! Bye :D**


	3. Hot Chocolate

**Chapter Three**

Finn tried to tell me no, but I ignored him. My plan seemed too perfect for his protests to get to me.

"Angela, please listen to me! You can't just... just _make jelly_ out of magical fruit!"

"And why can't I?"

"Because it's sacred or something!"

I rolled my eyes as I watered the plant. It had already sprouted since I planted it yesterday, but ever since I had left Marimba Farm in such a hurry Finn had decided to constantly tell me why I couldn't go on with my plan. So far he didn't have a good reason, so I had resorted to ignoring him.

"Finn, do realize that if this works, I'll be able to stay healthy for way longer? Which also means I won't have to get rid of you as soon? We might not even have to visit the Harvest King for all I know! Haha!"

"But—"

"Don't you want that?" I turned to the sprite. "Don't you want to have an easy way to stay with me?"

"There's never an easy way," he protested.

"That's what you think. I feel like I'm cheating death! Like one of those Greek myths that I heard back in high school; what's that one guy, Sassiness?"

"Sisyphus," Finn corrected me. "But he was punished for his deceitfulness in cheating death by having to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity! Do you want that, Angela? Do you want to roll a giant rock up a hill forever?!" he shouted in perplexity.

"That's just a myth,"

"And so am I!" he yelled. "You don't get it, Angela! You can't just use a magical gift for selfish purposes; you have to use it for what it was given to you for."

I hesitated.

That almost got me. _Almost_.

But my mind had already been made up since last night. "But she never said I couldn't,"

"That's not the point!"

"I'll take my chances,"

I returned the watering can back to its place and went inside to get dressed for the day.

"I'm going to go see Kathy to tell her the good news; if you don't want to go with me, you can stay here."

"Oh nooo," Finn wailed from where he now sat on the table. "The worst thing you can do is getting people you care about involved."

"That's only the case when you do something dangerous. What I'm doing is perfectly okay,"

Even as the words came out of my mouth, my confidence wavered. I forced the thoughts into the back of my mind.

_But what if the consequences are worse than the sickness?_

No. They wouldn't be. They _couldn't_ be. I made up my mind to go have a good time with my friend and tried to shoo the uneasiness away.

"Fine, I'll stay behind. I don't want to even know how this is going to go over," Finn said as I walked to the front door. Before I finally left, he stopped me. "Wait!"

"What is it now?"

"Just... don't tell her exactly what your plan is. I'm sure Kathy probably won't go around telling anyone, but I don't want her to think you belong in an institution. After all, she doesn't know about... these kinds of things."

"I'll keep it vague," I promised him.

The cold bit at my nose as soon as I stepped inside. While I had been working behind the house just a few minutes ago, I was at least doing some physical activity. Plus my work clothes were a bit thicker, keeping me warm. But the thing was, I was already wearing three thick layers of clothing and I didn't want Jin to remind not to bundle up so thickly again; I had an appointment after lunch. I was tempted to go inside to get one more coat, but I decided against it. With one glance at the thermometer—which read fifteen degrees Fahrenheit—I marched off my porch, trying my best to ignore the soreness in my legs.

But I guess there was one upside to this weather: the kids would be able to have all the snowball fights they wanted without having to play around with icy slush. Good for them.

The simple task of walking seemed a little easier, but I figured that was mostly because my spirits were high and I had, well, _hope_. Hope can really change a person, you know? It seems a bit odd that a simple spark can change a person all around: not just emotionally but also physically. It was great.

As I turned onto the main road, the familiar sounds of horse hooves met my ears. I looked behind me to see Cain pulling his wagon along, taking care of his yearly duty of salting the roads.

"Whoa girl," he stopped his horse in front of me. "Hey there, Angela. Where are you off to this afternoon?"

"The inn,"

"Well, I'm headed into town right now. Would you like a lift?"

I happily obliged. Cain had really helped me get started on my farm when had I moved here, and to this day, despite my age, he and Hanna still treated me like I was their own. Along with Renee, they were practically my second family, the people I could always rely on to help me when I was in trouble.

Renee greeted me with a large sack of salt when I climbed into the back of the wagon.

"Angie, I hope you don't mind, but I need some help. Mom was supposed to be here but she's sick, and salting the road by hand isn't really the easiest job for one person." Then her big brown eyes lit up with alarm. "I-I mean, if you aren't in the condition to, then please just rest. Oh, what was I thinking? I shouldn't have even asked; I'm so thoughtless sometimes! I'm sor—"

"Renee," I stopped her. "I'm fine."

"Yeah," Cain agreed from the front of the wagon. "You know our Angie is a strong woman, don't worry about her."

"Exactly! Don't worry about me,"

"But don't think that gives you permission to overwork yourself, young lady. If you're feeling too tired, you need to take a break." he said once he had started the horse again.

"Hey," I protested. "You just told her not to worry but now you're telling me to take a break?"

"I'm just looking out for you is all,"

"Yeah, yeah," I took a handful of salt and started sprinkling it along the road passing slowly below us. I'd helped to melt the snow from the roads this way in many winters past, so I wasn't in unfamiliar territory. In fact, it felt good to get back to simple work I was used to.

"So, who are you meeting for this date?" Renee looked at me expectantly. "Is it a guy?"

"For one, it isn't a date—"

"Is it Calvin?"

I ignored her comment. "And secondly, it's just Kathy."

She made a disappointed noise and continued with her job. Normally looking at the friendly young woman, you wouldn't think Renee to be the kind of person to openly talk about love lives or tease about the guys you were interested in. And normally you would be right.

But I wasn't just someone looking in on her personality; she was practically a little sister to me. I've had years of her poking at me about how I hadn't had a single date since I moved to Castanet. Granted, I had gone to many Starry Night Festivals with Calvin, but it was only a friendly thing. For the most part, neither of us had dates to these festivals, so we compromised and had a nice dinner under the stars and enjoyed each other's company comfortably on a friends-only level. I admit that I had expressed feelings for him in the past, but that's another story.

"Well, if you're going to continue being too independent for a man, I guess I should just give up on helping you."

"Good, I don't need your help anyway," I said in a teasing voice.

"But, in case you were wondering, Toby asked me to the Starry Night Festival."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh really now? I thought he never would,"

"Hey!" She softly punched my arm. "He just needed to take his time to get up his courage... you know, something you'll never do."

It was my turn to be miffed. "Just because I haven't found my Prince Charming doesn't mean he's not out there."

"Except you're expecting to be the one in shining armor, off to sweep him off his feet with your dashing looks and big muscles. I guess now that you're too weak to go on any quests for your true love, you can have a turn playing the damsel in distress."

As soon as the words left her mouth, I could see that she regretted it. Cain gave her a look from where he was but didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice. "I... I overstepped my line. That was a horrible thing to say."

I stopped throwing salt and took a long look at her. Renee was still in her early twenties, so I could see why she still didn't know when she was taking a joke too far before it was too late. She made a fair point, but I'd be lying if I said her waning faith in my abilities didn't bother me just a little bit.

"Don't worry about it," I put my hand on her shoulder. "You're completely right, you know."

She sprinkled another handful of salt and wouldn't meet my eyes.

"But you can't give up on me just yet—to tell you the truth, I think I've found a cure. Only a temporary one, that is."

Renee looked up at me. "Really? What is it?"

By this time we had made it into town and Cain stopped the cart to let me off.

"I'll tell you later," I promised.

After thanking Cain and saying goodbye, I headed into the inn to meet Kathy. I found her chatting with Yolanda, who went back into the kitchen after I came over to the two women.

"I ordered something special for us," Kathy said as we sat down at a table.

"Oh really? What is it?"

"You'll see when it gets here,"

I nodded and took out the bottle of pills Jin had given me a couple of days ago. I popped a few in my mouth only to see my friend staring at me, concerned.

"What?"

"Why are you taking those now? Shouldn't you have this morning?"

"Oh," I looked down and read the container. "It says I should take them when I eat, so right now is the best time I guess."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Aren't you the one who always preaches that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and you should never skip it? What happened?"

"I don't know," I put the container back in my pocket. "I guess I just haven't been all that hungry recently."

"That's impossible," Kathy shook her head. "I thought you loved food more than life,"

"I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Maya," I chuckled.

She didn't return the laugh. "Seriously, Angela. I know you're not the kind to skip meals; have you been feeling really ill lately?"

"Kathy!" I sighed in exasperation. "You're making a big deal out of nothing! So yeah, I didn't eat breakfast this morning. It's not like I'm dying or something, jeez."

Wait a second. I sort of was.

"I should've phrased that differently,"

"Yeah, yeah you should've." She sat back in her chair to give me the same look Cain had given Renee just a little while ago.

Thankfully Yolanda came out to break the silence, a tray of steaming mugs in her hands.

"Would you girls like the usual?" she asked as she placed them on the table.

We nodded our heads and she left, leaving Kathy to shrug off her annoyance and me to look into the cups.

"Is this the special things you ordered for us? Hot chocolate?"

"Well no," she said as she took a finger full of whipped cream off the top. "But don't think this is any ordinary hot chocolate either."

I let it cool a bit before I took a shaky sip of the hot drink. Steam rolled off the mug, coming up to warm my chapped, pink nose and cheeks, products of the sudden cold that had taken over Castanet.

Kathy sat back and took a drink of her own hot chocolate. "Good, right? Special cocoa that Yolanda ordered from some fancy company; it certainly beats Swissmiss."

The flavor _was_ really different, in an amazing sort of way that was no less than what I expected from Yolanda. "I haven't had stuff this good in forever."

Before she could respond, Maya came wailing out of the kitchen, Chase close behind her.

"I already told you, you don't throw water on a grease fire! You could've burned this whole place down!"

"I'm sorry!" she sobbed. "The fire was so high though; what else was I supposed to do?!"

After glancing around for customers, Chase was obviously trying not to yell too loudly. Instead he took a minute to swallow his frustration, then sighed deeply through his nose. "Maya. Banana flambé is supposed to do that. I told you that before we started. Now, we're going to go back to the kitchen to try it a second time, but if you pull that little stunt again, we're done for today. You understand?"

"Well that ruins the surprise," Kathy muttered.

Maya sniffled and nodded her head, then followed the chef back to kitchen.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at Kathy.

"What?"

"I don't know..." I admitted. "I guess I've never seen Chase act that way with Maya. I would've expected him to kick her out right away, like usual."

"Your 'like usual' is from a year ago, sweetie. You've sorta been gone for a while."

"I know, but still. What's changed?"

"A lot has changed," she took another drink. "Not just Chase, either. You should see Luke and Selena, they almost seem like different people."

"Really?" I laughed. "A lot must have changed since last year for that to have happened."

"Well, he's a married man now—calmer I guess. And Selena's stopped dancing at the bar, so that's sorta new too."

I almost choked. "She's giving up on dancing?" I was ready to be offended. After all that work I had done to help so many years ago, she had just... stopped? Not cool.

Kathy laughed at my shock. "I don't think she'll give up on her dream unless she's dragged away, and even then she wouldn't go down without a fight. She's just pregnant is all."

The thought of the dancer in her ever promiscuous clothing with a big round stomach was odd enough to make me smile.

"Oh, but don't tell anyone I said that," she lowered her voice. "She doesn't want everyone to know yet."

"Naturally,"

Within a few minutes, Chase came back out of the kitchen with our plates of food. He glanced at our half-drunk mugs and a smile tugged at the edge of his mouth. "Are you enjoying your drinks?"

"Hmm?" I looked up at him. "Oh yeah, Yolanda definitely knows what she's doing with her hot chocolate."

"Actually," he coughed. "I'm the one who suggested the type of cocoa used for it; exported all the way from Venezuela."

"Well you sure do seem proud of your picks," Kathy put in with a teasing grin.

"I'd say I know my foreign ingredients pretty well,"

"And not a bit humble about it either,"

I looked back and forth between the two as they continued to squabble. I was never really sure what kind of a friendship they had or how they even tolerated each other most of the time, but it worked somehow.

After Chase took his leave, mostly due to Maya frantically calling his name, Kathy smiled at me. "He's a jerk. I don't see why I put up with him."

"I don't see why either,"

"And lucky you, you get to see the better side of him. I've been working on making him friendlier all these years, so I guess it's starting to pay off for everyone but me."

"How?" I didn't see anything different about the way he treated me from anyone else. Sure, maybe he was a little nicer and more talkative, but he spared no ounce of sarcasm around me, which I suppose was the reason a lot of people didn't even try to make small talk with him.

"Well, there's you and Gill, for one thing,"

"Gill? I thought they hated each other."

"Not so much anymore," she said after taking a bite. "I dunno, Angela, but they seem to get along just fine these days. Oh, and then there's the kids. Chloe and Taylor visit his home all the time, probably just to leach off his cooking or whatever he's baking at the time. At first he was really annoyed but at this point he expects it, so he doesn't even try to make them go away anymore."

"Weird..." I murmured, then I remembered what I wanted to talk to her about. "Oh! Speaking of change, it looks like there could be a big one in my health, really soon too."

"Oh no," Kathy shook her head. "I know you mentioned you're getting a cold, but I can only imagine how much worse it is for you."

"What? No, I mean I think I found a cure. Well, it's kind of temporary, but I think it'll work out really well."

"Seriously? You're not joking?"

I shook my head and smiled. "It's for real,"

"That's so great!" she exclaimed. "I thought the doctors told you it would be hopeless if you came back here, but you always seem to find a way to prove people wrong."

_Yeah, if it even works._

_No, stop it._ I knew it would work. It had to.

Kathy continued smiling while she ate, and I realized just how thankful I was for her. She didn't even doubt that I knew what I was talking about and supported me in the choices I made. She may have been concerned over the dumb little things like why I wasn't eating breakfast—which I still didn't see why that was a problem—but in the end, she really seemed to understand that I knew how to make my own choices.

And that was only one of the many things that made me glad she was my closest friend in Castanet.

* * *

After lunch I went to the clinic for another checkup and was told pretty much the same thing: get some rest, don't do anything too physical, etc. I even told Jin that I was feeling a bit stronger, but I wasn't sure if he believed me by the look on his face. The unfortunate part was that though I was feeling better, someone else was getting worse.

When I got home I called for Finn, but he didn't respond. I frantically searched everywhere and for a very scary moment I was afraid that he had faded completely while I was gone. Just before the guilt was able to consume me, I looked down to see the fragile little sprite lying on the ground. I scooped him up quickly and when he wouldn't respond, fear washed over me again.

"Finn? Finn! Please wake up! Oh, goddess, please don't let him be dead, please don't be gone," I sobbed.

After a few more minutes of nothing, I made a small little bed on the table out of a towel and placed him inside.

There was no horrible, gross sobbing, but I sat there praying and hoping and silently crying to myself. After I was able to calm down a bit, I looked at Finn, who was still motionless.

"Hey, little buddy," I whispered. I remembered all those stories about how coma patients can hear the people around them. Maybe he was just in a really deep sleep and I could wake him up with the sound of my voice. After all, I had no idea how tell whether a sprite was sleeping or was... gone.

I wiped my eyes and continued to talk to him. "I'm sorry I left you here. I was so stupid to think you'd be okay on your own, especially since you're sicker than I am. If you would have been with me, I bet you'd be proud; I didn't even tell Kathy what the cure is. You didn't want me to get her too involved, right?" I smiled faintly down at his still face. "You always have my back. What will I do without you...?"

Weariness started weighing down on my eyelids and I laid my head on the table with my face toward Finn, continuing to talk as I dozed off.

"You should have been there; we had the best hot chocolate. I know how much you love chocolate..."

* * *

**A/N: The thing I find just a little bit troublesome when writing for Harvest Moon is how all the (mortal) marriage candidates for the Wii games seem to be all around the same age, with the exception of Luna, Jin, and maybe Calvin. That's just not realistic. Just to change things up a little bit I decided to mess with some of the character's ages a lot in this chapter with Renee (and Toby also just a bit, though I didn't explicitly state that), but you could probably tell a little bit from the last chapter. Making it seem a little more real, you know?**

**So yeah. Be sure to like, comment, and subscri-I mean what.**


	4. Books

**Chapter Four**

"I don't understand!" I growled in frustration. "What do you mean they only grow to that size?"

"I mean exactly what I said," Finn said from my shoulder.

It turns out that he hadn't quite faded yesterday, but he didn't remember falling asleep on the ground. He woke up that morning like nothing had happened and was very worried when he found me asleep at the table. Now as we were outside looking at the magic plant, he seemed to be back to normal. Well, as normal as a sick sprite could be.

"But... how am I supposed to do anything with these?" I crouched down to look at the three small heart shaped berries that were growing on the plant. Each one was so tiny that it was smaller than my palm. "How do you know that they don't grow any bigger? Can't I just wait for them to grow a little more?"

"They'll die and fall off if you don't harvest them a few days after they appear; because a mortal planted it, it's not very strong."

"Gee, thanks," I grumbled as I stooped down to look at the little plant. I had barely had this plant for two days and it already starting bearing fruit. It was a miracle in normal farming standards. "So, how do I harvest these things?"

"Well, I suppose you just pick them,"

"You suppose? What if you're wrong?"

Finn took a moment to respond. "Well I'm probably right, so..."

I sighed and put my hand around the fragile plant. "Here goes nothing,"

And they came off just fine, even with a bit of sparkle from where the fruit separated from the plant. All three of them fit perfectly in my palm; definitely not enough to make jelly out of. The more I looked at them, the more my heart sank. What if the Harvest King didn't help me? These wouldn't be enough to rejuvenate my health but for three days. I had so hoped that it would work, I was so... _confident_. My pride didn't need another battering, I was sure that it had had its fare share by this time.

But no, I just had to keep being knocked down. Why did it have to be me that had this problem? Why did I have to be the one who was bombarded with loss and disease? Why couldn't just one thing start to look up for me?

I bit the inside of my cheek. There it was again: those thoughts that only tore me down, the ones that put me as the center of attention. I had to squeeze my eyes shut and remember to keep the angry thoughts away. _Think of my mother_.

_Don't become like her_.

I took a deep breath and looked down at the berries. I had to stay thankful for what I was given; it was more than others in my condition would get. I carefully stood up and went inside, Finn smiling on my shoulder.

"I'm sure this will work, Angela. After all, the Harvest King favors you above other mortals, so that should be a good sign."

"I guess so. Now, how am I supposed to do this? Do I just eat it like normal?"

"Yes, but you need to relax after you eat it, that way its effects are much stronger."

"For how long?"

The sprite made a thinking noise. "Well, I'd say an hour or so; that should be good."

"An hour?" I exclaimed. "I thought we would be able to go right away!"

"I'm pretty sure you humans say patience is a virtue; in this case, an important one."

I muttered something rude and sat down in my big comfy chair that was set next to my bookshelf.

Reading is something that a lot of farmers don't have much time for, but in my case it seemed like the easiest thing to pass the time with. As soon as I got comfortable with a popular fantasy book I had sworn to myself that I would finish reading one day, I popped the small heart shaped berry in my mouth.

At first it tasted like a plain old raspberry, or strawberry, sort of a mix of both I guess, but then it started to change. The flavor was the most delicious sweet thing I had ever tasted but was tart enough to offset it; its sensation was cool and refreshing but at the same time warm and comforting. The whole feeling spread over my body and instantly my strength seemed to come back to me. I felt like running across an open field and swimming in the ocean. I had the reassuring sense that everything would be fine, that I could do anything I put my mind too. I knew that the Harvest King would help me out and that things would eventually look up in the future.

I was at a physical and emotional high. I was ready to go right away.

But I forced myself to sit down, to open up the dusty pages of the book. My mind was elsewhere though, zipping through all the happy experiences I had had, leaving behind all the gloomy ones as nothing more than a shadow. When I was finally able to concentrate on the words, all those memories of how much I had loved reading when I was younger came back to me. I was now engrossed in a magical journey with dwarves and kings and wizards and elves. But as I thought about it, it seemed just a little more real to me now than it ever had.

I had gotten to know a goddess and have a fairy guide. Magical gifts and quests to save a dying land—I had all that. Granted, there were no dragons with hidden treasure, but who's to say I wouldn't meet one of them one day. I was truly lucky that my life was filled with these things, as though I had simply walked into a book or a fairytale.

Although, from where I stood now, this story didn't have a happy ending. I had one more great adventure ahead of me, the one to search for strength in the midst of torment, and then... well then, the book would be over. The pages were almost gone. And while that thought depressed me for a moment, it quickly passed. It may have just been the effect of the berry, but my mindset had been completely turned around. Who was to say that the ending had already been written yet? There was still time to change things, to lengthen it just a little. I had a chance for a different ending; I just had to figure out how to get it myself.

Thankfully, the hour rest period or whatever flew by quickly and we headed to Garmon Mines. The crest of the mountain was completely shrouded in clouds, making the place look imposing over the small district. Without an ounce of hesitation, I touched my hand to the runes written on the teleportation stone. With a familiar feel of wind ripping at my clothes and rushing through my ears, I appeared at the mountaintop in a flash of gold light. I let the queasiness in my stomach settle before I made my way to the throne of the immortal being.

As I approached the throne, the freezing mist around me swirled and dissipated, revealing the fiery god already waiting for me.

I bowed in respect and he regarded me with an expectant stare.

"I know why you are here," he said, his voice strong and steady. "Why is it that you believe that I will help you?"

"My lord, I know that you are not fond of humans, but I believe you are capable of compassion for those you favor."

I dared to look up at him. His handsome, regal face was hardened and unreadable, but there was softness in his eyes that I had seen ever since I had saved the Harvest Goddess all those years ago.

"Do not think that because I honor you I also pity you. You are only human, and all humans whither eventually. This is an undeniable fact that I refuse to feel any remorse for."

After all these days of people feeling sorry for me and trying to comfort me about my "condition," it was refreshing to talk to someone who accepted that fact like it was nothing. He treated me like he always did: a human.

"However," he continued, "There are few things that I will be willing to do for you. But first, I need you to explain to me why you think I should grant you such gifts."

_Plead your case_, that's what he meant. I had never exactly done something like that, but I had to try.

"When I came here, I was at a loss as what to do. When the Harvest Goddess called to me to help her, I wanted to run in the opposite direction; I didn't think I could do it. And I was probably right, but then I was given a guardian, a guide." I took Finn into my hands and held him up for him to see. "If it wasn't for Finn, I probably wouldn't have been able to."

"And you are telling me this for what reason?"

I swallowed the sudden nervousness that had crept into my throat since he had put me on the spot. "I'm sure you know this, but he's dying quicker than I am. I don't know what I would do without him; he's been my guiding light all these years. I don't expect you to even listen to the suggestion that you heal me of my sickness, but please, for both of our sakes, let him live and stay connected to me until I... pass."

"I cannot,"

His response was so quick that it almost took me by surprise. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said: I cannot heal him. The bond between a guardian and their human is too strong to rewrite ancient laws for; even I do not have the power to do so without dire consequences."

"But the goddess gave me that plant; she wasn't supposed to do that!"

His eyes slowly moved to the bottom of the mountain. Although it was impossible to see through the thick cloud wall, I could tell he was looking at her.

"The goddess is... weak. She knows that there will be consequences for her actions, but she has taken precautions; she is cleverer than you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps you should ask your little guide,"

I looked down at Finn, who refused to meet my eyes. "What did she do?"

"I'm sorry Angela, but I had to. You don't understand,"

"What did you do?!"

He sniffled and big tears welled up in his eyes. "I lied to you; I know that it was so bad of me to, but I had to. I told the Harvest Goddess about your plan and she told me to do what I thought was best. So I made you believe that the berries only grew to that size, but in reality they grow to be bigger than your hand. I'm sorry!" He continued sobbing.

_Crack_

I stared at him in shock. Finn, who had always been there for me, who had always had my best interest at heart, went behind my back and _betrayed_ me?

"Now how do you feel about your request?" The King looked down at me.

"I-I—"

_Crack_

I lowered my hands, the sprite still sitting in them, begging for forgiveness.

"We all make mistakes," I whispered, and the Harvest King's eyes widened slightly. "And my request still stands."

He didn't speak for what seemed like forever, the only thing filling the silence being Finn's wailing.

He waved his hand and the sprite went silent. "You really do prove to be different, Angela. I would expect a human in your position to give him up immediately, but you have proved me wrong about your kind in so many instances."

I looked up hopefully. "So you mean—"

"No, I do not. You may have rung the bells and earned my favor, but do not think you can have whatever you please. You are still only mortal." He then looked at me, his face softening considerably. "But I will do one thing for you; I will make sure he quickly goes to someone worthy of his help, just as you have proved yourself to be."

_Crack_

"So... I came up here for nothing?"

"Be thankful that I will do this much for you." He narrowed his eyes. "In normal circumstances, a sprite that loses his human would go into sleep for many years and more than likely go to someone unworthy. If you really care for him as you say you do, then you must trust me."

_Shatter_

I felt all that hope break apart into a million pieces, shattering my heart. No, of course not; I never should have thought I had a chance. At the same time I realized that the immortal could blast me off the mountaintop with a flick of his hand, so the best choice was to be grateful.

"Thank you, my lord," I couldn't keep the quivering out of my voice though. Before I could take my leave, he stopped me.

"You must understand, I do not wish to hurt you—I am only looking to keep the balance of the unseen world. Until you leave this life..." he stopped as though he hadn't said the words in a long, long time. "You not only have my favor, but also my blessing. I wish you great peace on the rest of your journey."

And with that, his swirling hair and robes burned with fiery colors and the Harvest King disappeared from my sight. The mist curled back around his throne, leaving me surrounded by damp fog and, despite his parting words, feeling empty and broken.

* * *

I dried my tears as best as I could to keep people from asking questions. As I walked through Garmon Mines with my head down, Finn tried to comfort me.

"I'm sorry for what I did, but I'll be okay, Angela! I'll be fine, you won't have to worry about me."

"I know you'll take care of yourself, Finn. You're the bravest sprite I know; I just wish I could be that way."

The sprite sneezed and despite his small size I could feel him shivering from where he was perched. I loosened my scarf so he could sit inside the folds.

"Oh, please don't say that! You are so very brave, and just because you have tears in your eyes doesn't mean you're not." Finn reached up and wiped away a tear the size of his hand.

"I—"

"WOAH!" Finn yelled and I looked up just in time to miss an axe swinging in my direction.

"Luke!" Selena yelled from the door of the carpenter's. "I told you to watch where you're swinging; you almost just took off Angela's head!"

The angry woman marched up to us and took the axe from her husband.

"Sorry, babe, I was just practicing!"

"Practicing? You can do that in the forest where you won't behead anyone!"

I stood there and watched the couple quarrel. I had never really gotten to know either Luke or Selena, but I knew that they loved each other and had a good marriage so far. Since I had come back to Castanet, the laid back couple had seemed a little more on edge with each other, but I guess that was because she was pregnant. At least she was according to Kathy, but the dancer looked in as great of shape as ever.

"Are you really pregnant?" I blurted out when there was a break in their argument.

"Ah..." Selena looked at me. "You noticed. I was hoping it wasn't that visible yet, but I guess I can't have a dancer's body forever."

"I think you still look great, if it means anything," Luke smiled sheepishly, looking as though he was afraid she was going to start yelling at him again.

She sighed through her nose. "Well I guess that's all that matters then," After a moment she added, "But don't you think you're off the hook with this one."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Before he ran off after his wife he turned to me. "Sorry about that, I'll, uh, try not to behead you next time."

We continued on our way back to the farm. It was nice to see a couple that was still so in love after a year and a half of marriage. I wanted that again—I had some idea of who I wanted to share it with—but I knew that it was hopeless. I didn't even have a year left, so I needed to give up on the idea that I could love and be loved again; after all, after eight years in this town and I hadn't been out on a real date with anybody. Maybe it was my fault... I had closed up too much after I lost my first family that by the time I got past it, it was already too late for me.

As I crossed over the bridge from Garmon Mines, the mist from the waterfall felt nice against my face, which was still bleary from crying. Despite the refreshing feeling, the Harvest King's words still rung in my ears and I had to swallow a lump in my throat.

_You may have rung the bells and earned my favor, but do not think you can have whatever you please. You are still only mortal._

He was right. I didn't deserve to keep Finn. I didn't deserve to live after my time. I didn't deserve to meet another guy and fall in love.

I didn't deserve these things anymore than the next guy. Sure, I rung the bells, but when it comes down to it, love and life and friendship just aren't things you earn. They're things you gain by the choices you make or just by sheer luck. Either way, I had neither of those things.

"Do you hear that?"

Finn's weak voice snapped me from my thoughts. "Hear what?"

"That music..." the sprite's head softly swayed to an unheard tune. "It's so nice..."

I almost began to panic. Did harvest sprites hear music before they faded? Did they go into some weird trance? I had no idea if something was happening in his mind, but then I heard it too: the melodic strumming of a guitar and a rich, gentle voice matching the notes. I knew who it was right away and a sudden burst of comfort swelled up in my chest as I followed the sound of the music to my old friend.

Calvin had an amazing voice, but I had always thought he sounded best when singing Christmas carols. I found him sitting on a rock next to the almost frozen lake between my farm and the Garmon Mine district, slowly singing the words to _O Come, O Come Emmanuel_.

_Oh come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer Thy people with Thine advent here_

He looked up at me and smiled but continued singing as I came and sat with him.

_Disperse the gloomy clouds of night_

As I closed my eyes and listened to the verse he was singing, another pang of grief went through me.

_And death's dark shadow put to flight_

I tried my best not to let my emotions show but something must have given it away on my face.

Before Calvin got into the chorus he stopped playing and looked at me with concern. "Is something wrong, Miss Angela?"

That was something I really appreciated about Calvin: we had been close friends for years and years, but he always addressed women, including me, politely. I had given up on trying to get him to stop saying 'Miss' in front of my name, but now he only said it in greeting. His presence was comforting all together and I was able to relax seeing the genuine care that shone in his eyes. I was quiet for a moment, trying to gather up all it took in me to keep my voice from wavering.

"I'm just... tired is all; tired with life."

He pursed his lips and put his guitar down. "I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through and I suppose you don't want my condolences for that reason." He chuckled, "Seems that way with everything you do: an animal dies or the harvest is bad, you don't want an 'I'm sorry' from anybody. You can take care of yourself and I admire that. But anybody can see that your sickness isn't getting any better and it's looking like it's gonna be impossible to bring yourself out of this mess, so you can't have the same outlook on life that you usually do when you're hurting. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to live for the now and not for the future and, you know, enjoy the little things."

I stared at him with bewildered interest. In the years that I had gotten to know Calvin, he had said plenty of wise things and tried his best to give me advice in simple ways; but the way he had let those words come out so easily made me realize that was the motto he lived his life by. He was so easy going, but unlike Luke, he wasn't reckless and had a good deal of wisdom to share without being unapproachable like Jin. He was an amazing guy, he could comfort me in the worst situations and just being around him made me happy that I was alive.

I guess that's why I had been in love with him for years; but I knew he couldn't be mine.

Just by little things he said and did made me realize that he would only ever love me as a friend. After all, before I had left for the big city I had started picking up on what seemed like an interest in Phoebe, a woman up in Garmon Mines. I didn't really know her that well, but from what I've seen I knew they'd be a good match. And, as a friend who genuinely cared about his well being, I should've been happy, but no. I was... jealous. And I hated myself for it.

I would never tell him, but it hurt me. _It hurt me so bad_.

But if it meant anything, I needed to be thankful for the fact that I even had a friend like him. Like he said, I needed to appreciate the little things. The last of my time with Finn, the sound of his guitar.

The time I still had alive.

I sat back and closed my eyes, trying my best to keep it together as he strummed the tune of _What Child is This?_

What a sad sounding song, but so full of hope at the same time...

* * *

**A/N: First of all, to protect myself from the nasty people from Critics United or the like, I did my research. The song whose lyrics were used in this chapter is in the public domain, and according to the rules on this site, it is totally okay to use them if that is the case. So there.**

**Anyway, sorry for getting this chapter on so late at night, but today was super busy *_***

**See you tomorrow!**


	5. Ice Skating

**Chapter Five**

"Are you ready?"

"I don't want to go,"

"I don't either,"

"Can we just run away?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." I smiled sadly down at my sprite.

After our audience with the Harvest King yesterday, we decided that Finn was getting too weak for me to take care of and it would be good to take the pain now before it was too late. It had been one of the most depressing conversations I had had; agreeing that it was his time to go was so hard for me to do. For the past few days since he came back to me, he had been sleeping in my scarf, which was now bundled around my neck. The end of it was missing though, because earlier that day I had cut it off and given it to Finn so that he could take a piece of me with him. It was the perfect size for a sprite and he was still wearing it as though he were a human.

Seeing a small fairy wearing a scarf was amusing to look at, but by this point I didn't have any humor left in me.

I picked Finn up and gently put him into the folds of my scarf. I think after the horrible disappointment yesterday, almost all the rest of his power had been drained; by now he couldn't even keep himself steady by just simply sitting on my shoulder. He now needed something to hold onto to keep him from falling off.

And it killed me inside. For him to be so weak to the point where he couldn't even stand up... it just broke my heart even more.

Before we left the house, Finn asked to look around just one more time. I walked around to the bookcase, where he stared at the dusty shelves and untouched books for a long while. We moved into the kitchen, where I took a bar of chocolate out of the fridge and broke off a tiny piece for him. He started crying when I reached my bed, where he had bundled himself up on the nights that it thundered so he could feel safe. We took a long stay in the barn and coop, remembering all the times he had helped me take care of my animals. The walk around my field was brief, but he seemed to be ready by the time we had gotten there.

With one last look at my farmhouse, we started our painful journey to the goddess spring. Now, one would think that getting to her grove was an easy walk through the forest. In fact, that thought would be funny during normal circumstances. But that was nowhere near to what it was really like: it was a slippery uphill journey filled with rocks and pits and dense forest. Those that the Harvest Goddess had chosen would be able to find a path to walk through, but there was a reason that she hid herself away from the mortals who were without the sight. I still wasn't sure what it was, but the journey to get to her was proof enough of that fact.

The goddess was waiting for us when we arrived, like always. I was so familiar with her by now that I didn't think twice about meeting her with an angry stare.

She responded with sadness in her eyes. "So you are ready then?"

"Yeah, I'm just about as ready as I ever will be,"

"You may say you are, but the process is easiest when your lips _and_ your heart agree."

I forced back my tears as anger sparked in my heart. "You know what? This is what I don't get about you immortals: you don't even care. You don't even _try_, you know that? I _saved_ you," I gritted through my teeth. "And what do you do? You go ahead and take everything from me."

I should have regretted it, but I didn't. The Harvest Goddess's eyes turned dangerous but I didn't step down.

"Why can't you help me for real just one time; just for that one time, you know, I kept you and your land from dying. So what do you do for me? You give me a freaking plant that won't even help me for a few days."

"Angela, you are not to speak to me this way," she cut through my words. "You have no idea the death I have seen all these years, all the things that I couldn't stop. Ancient rules stand between—"

"Screw your rules!" I yelled. "What, just because they're—oh wow—super old and powerful, you can't just pay me back fairly? You have no idea how much I have already lost in the past, and now you pull this one on me?"

"I do know,"

"You know _what_?"

"About your family," the fiery look was still in her eyes, but she regarded me with less anger than before. "You are the one who does not understand. The people you lost? Your husband, your daughter? I have lost that tenfold, over and over again. I have had many lovers and many children, but they have all passed on. You underestimate me, for I know how it is to lose those you love, so much more than you ever will."

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that I could taste blood. I didn't care if she knew what extreme loss was; she wasn't _me_.

"Now," she said, the anger dissipating from her countenance. "You are here for your sprite, not to be angry at me about something I have no control over."

I wanted to argue so, _so_ bad. But I couldn't.

"What do I have to do?"

"Have you said your goodbyes yet?"

Oh. So it was going to be one those processes, the one that's like ripping a band-aid off quickly.

I took Finn into my hands and pursed my lips. "So I guess this is goodbye,"

"Yeah," he sniffled. "I'll think of you every day and I'll never forget about you ever,"

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "Yeah, me too. Be strong for me, okay little guy?"

"I will," he cried.

For a few minutes we stood there and cried together, but I knew that I couldn't delay the impending loss any further. The Harvest Goddess took Finn in her hands and whispered words in an ancient language I couldn't even imagine understanding. Finn started to glow and dissolve from my sight.

"Bye, Angela. Please get better,"

"I'll try," my voice caught in my throat.

Then he was gone. The goddess spread her hands and looked into the sky as though she was watching him fly away.

I looked around, refusing to meet her gaze. There was nothing left for me here, so I turned away, and this time no one stopped me.

* * *

At this point I was too worn out to continue crying. As I tripped through the frosty woods on my way back to town, I only felt empty and alone. Just when I thought I couldn't take much more, the sound of footsteps snapping a twig nearly made my heart stop. When I looked around, there was nobody there.

_Great_, I thought. _It's probably a bear. Just let it eat me now_.

I continued walking, and continued hearing footsteps. However, every time I looked around, there was no one there.

I finally decided to sit down to take a rest. I cleared the snow off of a large rock but I couldn't get comfortable before I felt heavy breathing on my neck. I turned around slowly, sure that something was there waiting to attack me, but no. I was face to face with a large, snowy white dog. I jumped up and it just looked at me, wagging its tail. I had no idea where it had come from and I had no intentions of finding out.

"Shoo!" I waved my hands at it.

Despite the fact that I loved animals, at the time I was feeling angry and bitter and lonely and I didn't want anybody or anything trying to comfort me.

I got up and started walking, hoping that it would leave me alone. I snaked around trees, jumped over a frozen stream, and even tried jogging a bit before I had to stop myself so I wouldn't pass out from exhaustion. All of this, and it still wouldn't go away. At one point I looked down at a rock and I went to reach for it, but I stopped myself before I could do anything harmful. I couldn't just be cruel to the thing.

So basically I gave up and let it follow me.

All the way into Garmon Mines.

"Have a new friend?" Julius called from where he stood in front of the jewelers.

"Yeah, I guess so," I muttered and continued walking down the snow-lined path.

"Miss Angela!"

I looked up to see Chloe waving at me. I really wanted to rush past and go into my house, but I couldn't just ignore a kid that seemed to adore me.

I noticed her friends skating on the frozen pond with her; Paolo and Taylor were there laughing and screaming as they chased each other on their ice skates. This pond was always the best one to skate on during the winter, and the snow had already been cleared from the top of it. Toby was there with Renee, enjoying each other's company. By this time they had both noticed me and were now waving me over too.

I had no way to avoid them, so I made my way slowly to the pond.

Right away Renee caught the way I was holding myself. "Hey, what's wrong? What happened?"

"It's a long story," I said. I looked over to the pond, trying to change the subject. "Why aren't you out there on the ice?"

She still looked concerned but she tried her best to act like she understood. "I, uh, didn't bring my skates. Neither did Toby, so we're just going to sit here and watch them." She looked down at the dog that had decided to follow me. "And who is this?"

"An unwanted pest," I muttered. "You want him?"

Renee laughed. "Actually, Milly just had puppies, so we're sort of having an overabundance of dogs right now."

I looked down at the dog, suddenly remembering what he reminded me of. He looked a lot like their dog Milly that I had loved so much. Maybe that was why I was struggling with getting him to leave me alone permanently.

Just as I was about to say something about that, the worst thing possible thing happened. A heart stopping _crack_ split our ears and our eyes immediately went to the ice. Fear shone in all of the kids' eyes but Taylor was the one who looked the most terrified. A huge crack in the ice had formed underneath his feet.

My instincts immediately kicked in. "Taylor, don't move," I said in as calm of a voice as I could. "Can you slowly make your way to me? Come one, you can do it."

"Angela, I can't! I'm going to fall in!"

The cracks continued to spider web under his feet. "Don't be scared, you can do it—no!"

All at once the ice fell out from underneath him. Renee screamed and I lurched forward, but Toby stopped me.

"Angela, you can't do this. I'll go,"

Before I could argue, Toby quickly and carefully made his way to the edge of the hole. I had never seen him run to action so quickly and a genuine jolt of surprise went through me. By the time he was able to find a place to kneel where the ice was thick enough to keep him from falling in, the top of his body was already submersed under the water. For a very scary moment, he lost his balance and almost fell in. Then he came up, gasping for breath, trying his best to pull Taylor's limp body out of the freezing water.

"Renee," I took her by the shoulders. "Run to the clinic and get Jin and Anissa right away."

She nodded stiffly and ran off, and I stepped carefully on the ice. I knew it wouldn't be smart to go all the way out to where Toby was struggling, but I had to be close just in case.

"Chloe, Paolo, skate around the hole and get off the ice,"

They quickly complied and got away as fast as they could. Chloe had tears in her eyes as she skated past me.

"Is he going to be okay?" she sobbed as she watched from a distance.

There was no way I could know if he was going to make it, unless...

I swallowed hard and it felt as though my heart would beat right out of my chest any second. I knew how to make sure that he would be okay, and considering what I had gone through this week, this decision would be just another difficult task on my list of things to do.

I waited until Toby was able to safely pull the boy's limp body to safety. He looked at me in fear, his eyes wider than I had ever seen them.

"He's not breathing, Angela. What do I do?"

I had to think fast. "Try your best to get the water out of his lungs, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

I had already taken off though, adrenaline allowing me to run without fatigue. I stomped up the stairs of my house and flung open the door. Where did I put them? I searched around frantically and for a moment my mind went blank. Then I found the precious little berries, the only things that could keep me alive for just a few more days. I wish I could say that I didn't even hesitate, but... I did. And I'm ashamed of it, but horrible selfish thoughts went through my mind that very second. But I shook my head and snatched one of them up.

When I arrived back at the scene, Taylor was still unconscious and Toby was still looking like he didn't know what to do. In that split-second moment of panic he had leapt to the job immediately, which caused a newfound admiration for the usually calm, sleepy fisherman. Now, however, the fear written on his face was enough to tell me that he now had no idea what to do.

I crouched down next to Taylor and opened his blue lips. Despite my lingering anger for the Harvest Goddess, I silently asked her to have pity on the boy and I threw the berry into the back of his throat. When he didn't swallow, I had to rub his throat to make it go down. I had read that that worked somewhere, but up until now I had no idea if it was true. In a stroke of luck—or maybe it was the goddess's provision—the berry went down his throat and managed to miss his windpipe.

Like it had with me the day before, the healing effect took a minute to take place. Toby looked at me like he was about to ask a question, but just then Taylor's body shuddered and he coughed up a bunch of water. Just as the color started coming back to his face, he started shivering violently.

"S-so cold..."

Toby looked at me in shock, but I waved his look away. I stayed until Renee arrived with Jin and Anissa, trying to pretend that Toby, Chloe, and Paolo hadn't seen me save the kid's life with a magic berry.

I looked down at the confused boy and decided whether I really should have done that. No, of course I should have, it practically would have been considered murder if he had died and I just let the magical cure sit a short walk away. But I wasn't a hero. I was only doing what I knew I should. Seeing Taylor's shaking body and Anissa's quivering lip told me that I had done the right thing, despite using a piece of my own life to save his.

"Angela," Renee breathed. "How did he...?"

"Don't worry about it," I turned to Anissa. "He should be fine, but make sure to keep an eye on him around icy lakes."

She nodded gratefully and I walked back to my house. The rush of adrenaline had faded by now and my feet were dragging; I just wanted to get inside and take a long, hot bath. Of course, the stupid dog would need one too: its coat wasn't exactly as clean as I thought it was when I first found him. Still wagging his tail, he walked next to me closely as though he had lived with me for years.

"It looks like I'm not going to be getting rid of you anytime soon, am I?" I grumbled. He looked up at me and seemed to smile. "I guess I have room for an animal these days anyway."

And so, as I let one spirit out of my life that day, another, unfamiliar one entered in.

* * *

**A/N: Ah, sorry about not posting yesterday. The whole point of this challenge is to post for thirty consecutive days in a row, but I've already failed in that aspect, ahah '-_- But tomorrow I will be uploading two chapters to make up for the one I missed.**

**Also, one thing I would like to mention is that I'm a masochist when it comes to the series I'm attached to; in some twisted way, I love it when stories take a depressing, "pow, right in the feels" kind of development. Probably the reason why I love Doctor Who and Attack on Titan so much, heh. BUT that does not mean I don't know how to give a character a break when they need one. There always has to be a period of calm in the midst of the storm. And in the same way things have to get worse before they can get better.**

**I hope that gives you some sort of hope for the end of the story? Yeah.**

**Long author note is long. Sorry. Signing out.**


	6. Big Jackets

**Chapter Six**

That morning I woke up to the sound of whimpering. My immediate reaction was to go to the table where Finn slept but the memories of yesterday put me back a few steps. I sat back down on my bed with a deep sigh, then looked to the source of the noise. My newly acquired dog was whining and walking in circles around the door; I forgot what it was like to have to take care of animals. I guess all those years ago it would've been smart to get a dog to when I had had cattle to herd, but back then the thought of having one just made me... sad. I guess I had so much to be depressed about these days that something as simple as having a dog was no longer effective in that way.

I let him out of the house and shivered in the cold. Snow was falling softly, but I had heard on the weather that a bigger storm was on its way. The dog ran around in the snow, not even fazed by the frozen ground. I could feel myself getting attached to him just by watching him play and bark and chase any movement he saw. I didn't want to—after all, he would just be one more thing to lose eventually—but I was too weak to stop myself.

I brushed the snow off his coat once he tromped back up the porch.

"You don't have a name, do you?" I said as I ruffled the thick fur around his face. "I guess I should give you one, eh?"

He looked up at me with big blue eyes as if to say "Yeah? I would like that."

Nothing came to my mind immediately, but I promised to think of one soon.

I looked at the fridge, tempted to eat something even though I wasn't hungry. In the past, I had known a few people who had filled their emptiness with food to the point where they couldn't stop themselves. I didn't want to become like that, but I guess that with the amount of time I had left, it wouldn't become detrimental. I shook my head and walked away.

As I went about getting ready for the day, my eyes kept catching on a square in my ceiling; with the ice skating scare yesterday, I found myself hovering towards the attic more and more. I knew I shouldn't go up there because it would only bring me back to a bad place in my life. And even though I had experienced so much pain recently, I wasn't sure if I could take it.

You see, I was married before I moved to Castanet; that's the whole reason I moved away from the big city.

To get away from my past. To get away from the ghosts.

In fact, that was the reason I loved winter so much, because it was the exact opposite of summer.

In the summer time, nearly ten years ago, I had had a husband and a daughter. Maybe that's why I had a soft spot for Chloe, because she reminded me of my own daughter... my baby girl.

Like a lot of young women, I had gotten caught up with someone I shouldn't have. My mother advised me against him, but I hadn't listened to her at the time; I'm still unsure as to whether I should have done what she said. It was even harder because he the sweetest guy: polite and charming to seemingly everyone he met, but he had a history involving some bad people. He had run away from them and ended up in the same city I had grown up in and tried to start over, starting by getting a job in the shop I worked in.

His name was Charlie. He had the nicest red hair that he kept in a small ponytail and gorgeous green eyes. Freckles were sprinkled lightly across his nose and, ah... at the time I swore I had never seen anyone more attractive; I was infatuated immediately, especially with his New Jersey accent.

The thing was, I was nineteen and he was twenty-one, so of course you can imagine how my mother reacted when he took an interest in me. A year later we eloped and moved away, but our small amount of money was drained quickly and after a month of living in our car, I found out I was pregnant. Now, don't get me wrong, I was happy and content just being with him, even if we didn't have much. I'll admit that because of his past crowd, he was able to, er, _acquire_ food for us when we couldn't pay, which I'm not proud of, but at the time we were in love and that was enough to get us through. It sounds incredibly lame, I know.

However, we knew we couldn't keep doing this when the pregnancy confirmed our fears—it just wouldn't be fair to the baby. We shamefully moved in with my mother, who at first was not that happy to take Charlie in but eventually she accepted us. After all, she loved her granddaughter, our little Mabel. By the time she was two we had had added a dog to our family and we were able to get our own place again, but it wasn't long before my husband became uneasy.

He claimed he just had this feeling that he was being followed and he confessed that he owed a lot of money to these people he used to know. I hadn't known that, but being the young and naive woman I had been, I told him everything would be fine.

Oh, I was so very wrong.

One humid summer day I had gone out to buy some groceries, and what I found when I arrived home was beyond my nightmares. It was still difficult for me to even think about.

Blood was everywhere, but I couldn't tell if it belonged to my family or our dog, who had multiple knife mark slashed through his flesh. He had been such a good guard dog, never letting anybody near the house without growling. That sight was the reason why I couldn't stand having a dog around for so many years. When the police arrived, they found that every room was trashed and bullet holes riddled the walls. The only thing I had left to know that they had maybe escaped was a letter from Charlie that said our daughter was safe, but he couldn't tell me where she was.

I never saw either of them again.

It was at this point that my mom started getting sicker, losing that spirit to her that I'd admired so much. After all this, I had to leave the big city, and thankfully I had found a cheap plot of land in a tiny city: it was the best place for me at that time. To cope with the loss I had packed up all of our clothes and brought them with me to Castanet so I could remember that I had actually experienced having a family of my own, that it wasn't all a dream. The boxes were all in the attic and by this time I hadn't touched them for years. But here I was, walking up the rickety stairs, not knowing what I was doing or why I was doing it.

The first musty box I opened had clothes that had been eaten by moths. The second one smelled like him, the scent of the cologne he wore still lingering. I rubbed a shirt against my face and sat there, trying to remember the sweeter memories. That's all I had of them now, I suppose. The third box was where I lost it and couldn't keep the tears from coming. It was filled with tiny clothes and a big snow jacket. We had saved up for that so we could take Mabel to visit the snow, but we were never able to get around to doing that. I sat up there for hours, going through the old stuff, somehow comforted by the bittersweet memories. I finally put the things the things away, packing up my old life and leaving it behind.

As I tried to make my way back downstairs, my foot hit a box that had the words _Christmas Stuff_ scrawled on it. I was about to leave it behind when the thought of Finn crossed my mind. He would want me to decorate, and if he could still somehow see me, still know my condition, it would probably worry him if I didn't even try. I made a few trips bringing the holiday decorations down, but by the time I was finished, I was too worn out to do anything and equally not in a festive mood.

As the depression sunk back in, I remembered how Mira would always go down to the church when she was grieving over her late husband. I wasn't sure how that helped, but it seemed to. With one last glance at the attic door, I put on my heaviest coat and headed outside.

* * *

The sweet smell of Christmas scented candles were there to greet me when I arrived at Celestia Church. I had really only come here for weddings or other little things, but I had always felt that the place had a warm, calming atmosphere. I sat down in a pew and looked around for a bit, not sure what I should do. I almost left, feeling like the stained glass Harvest Goddess windows were all staring at me, still angry for the disrespect I showed her the previous day. However, Perry came over and talked to me before I could leave.

"What can I do for you today, Angela?"

"I, uh..." I looked around. "Well, I'm not really sure."

The calm, friendly minister sat down in the pew in front of me, turning around so I could see his face. "Not all people find what they're doing here immediately, it may take some time,"

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Well, sometimes the answer comes easily, and sometimes it takes another person to find it for them. If I could give you my input, I would say you are in need of comfort; you're looking for something to fill your losses."

The way he said that took me by surprise. How could he possibly know that?

I took a deep breath. "Well, I guess I do need that. I'm just not sure how to get it; everything has been going wrong for me since I came down with this... this curse of an illness."

"There is a reason for everything, I believe." His eyes became sad. Perry was one the townsfolk that I knew the least about, but he always seemed to know what everyone was going through; he always understood how to connect with people, even strangers. That was one the qualities I wish I'd had. After a thoughtful pause, he continued, "We may never know what it is, especially for the turmoil we suffer through, but I know that if we can endure the trials, we will become stronger in the end." He clapped his hands together and looked around. "Well, I have duties to tend to. If there is anything else you would like to talk to me about, just ask. Take care now, Angela."

"Yeah, thanks," my voice trailed off.

I didn't understand how this experience would do me any good, but the confidence in his voice made me feel just a little bit better. I still felt the heavy weight of my burdens, but at the same time just a little bit warmer, a little more confident something good would start happening to me. It was sort of like the big jacket I was wearing: a little heavy and uncomfortable as I sat there in the church, but at the same time warm and nice.

I could come through this storm safely on the other side. But then again, just because I _could_, didn't mean I _would_. I just had to keep my chin up and hope for the best.

* * *

**A/N: Unfortunately this is a bit of, um... a filler chapter. Hence why it was considerably shorter. But on another note, you people. ****_You amazingly wonderful people_****. I cannot begin to express how thankful I am for all the encouragement I have gotten thus far. asdfghjkl; you guys make me so happy that I had decided to do this challenge, even if it starting to get a bit overwhelming. Even if I didn't get any reviews in I would still be happy to write and (try to) publish these chapters every day, but to know that people are enjoying my work... it just makes me so unspeakably happy. You guys rock.**


	7. Sledding

**Chapter Seven**

The way kids can bounce back right away will never cease to amaze me. One day they almost drown in an icy lake and a few days later they're off sledding and laughing as if nothing happened.

I had decided to take the dog (who was still nameless) out for a walk today now that the sky was clear. Maybe stretching my legs even just for a little while would keep my legs from becoming any weaker than they already were. I had to push myself, but the fresh, cold air seemed to do some amount of good for my mind.

Which brings me back to what I was originally saying.

On our way through Flute Fields we were peacefully walking and enjoying the nature when we were almost killed in a sledding accident. At first, I could've sworn I heard someone shouting my name, but I shook it off. Too late.

_Whoom_!

There went Taylor and Chloe, screaming for dear life and barely holding onto a rickety wooden sled by their fingertips, flying right across the path not more than two inches from my face. The dog went off barking wildly and I stood there and just watched as they crashed into a snow pile and went tumbling. Both of their heads popped up with huge grins plastered to their faces.

"Awesome!" Taylor said. "We totally got more lift now that Owen fixed this up for us."

"Is it my turn now?" I heard a voice say from the left side. Paolo appeared from behind the ledge that the two had just flown off from.

As I looked closer, they must have come down from the steep slope then disappeared behind the snowy incline before they came back up and nearly took off my head. No wonder I hadn't seen anybody there.

I looked back to Taylor, who had just noticed me. "Shouldn't you be recovering from your accident a few days ago instead of doing dangerous sled tricks?"

"Aw man," the preteen whined. "You sound just like my mom, Angela. Sledding is way more fun than that,"

I smiled. "I know, I know. I promise I won't tell her what you guys are doing out here, I don't want to spoil the _all_ the fun."

"Really? You're the best!"

I couldn't help but smile wider. He was looking unnaturally healthy for someone who had almost frozen to death a few days ago. Except for a cough or sniffle here or there, I'd say Taylor was just fine. And anyway, I really didn't want to be compared to Ruth. However, as I watched them prepare for another takeoff, I was starting to doubt how safe it was. That really was a steep hill...

"Hey, you guys," I called before Paolo could get on the sled. "Don't you think you could get hurt from this?"

"Nah," Chloe called back. "We just did it and didn't die, so of course it's safe!"

As much as I wanted the kids to think I was the "fun" adult and all that, I couldn't just let them go flying off into countless broken bones and medical expenses. I knew firsthand how horrible _that_ was.

"You know what? I have an even better idea." I looked down at my dog, hoping he would be cooperative. "It'll be a blast,"

The kids seemed to whisper to themselves, debating my offer, then turned back to me.

"What's your proposal?" Chloe called, trying to sound official. How cute.

"Well, we go up to Garmon Mines, find the super cool high-speed twisty-turny tricked out sledding path I've been working on, then maybe have a race."

Their eyes widened. I smacked myself mentally for making that all up, but I kept the smile on my face. That last few times I had walked though the snowy forest on the way to the goddess pond I had noticed a smooth, almost purposefully made downhill path that looked perfect for this sort of thing. I really hoped it was still there, despite yesterday's snow. Then again, I knew that a path was provided for those who the Harvest Goddess favored... what if the kids wouldn't be able to access it? Ugh, this was starting to look worse and worse on my part; I would probably only end up having three very disappointed extreme-sledders on my hands. Of course, they bounced up and down with excitement and quickly made their way to my side, eagerly waiting for my directions. All I could do now was sigh and hope for the best. Hmm, seemed like I'd been doing a lot of that lately...

But this was good for me, even if it ended up failing. Anything to keep my mind off of trying to make myself happy and focusing on what I could do for others helped more than I could've imagined. I guess I got more out of that talk with Perry yesterday than he may have intended; not that that was a bad thing though. I suppose it was easier to do this whole going-out-of-my-way-to-make-people-happy thing with children though... I did have a soft spot for them. If it was anybody else, I probably would've had a hard time staying patient with them. The thing I liked about these kids was that they didn't look at me with pity: they were so carefree and just happy to have an adult take interest in them that if they were actually adults themselves, they would be overly concerned with how I was doing or if I "couldn't handle so much" that it would just end up frustrating me.

I smiled to myself. What a nice change of pace.

"What's his name?" Paolo's voice shook me out of my thoughts. "Did you just get 'im?"

He was running around the big dog, flipping his ears and ruffling his tail. _Wow_, I thought to myself_. I remember when this kid was scared of dogs. Sure has grown up... all of them, actually. I really have been gone for a while._

I put aside the sadness that that thought created and looked up at the snowy pines. "Well, I haven't really thought of one yet."

"Oh, oh, can I help you?" Chloe waved her hands around.

"Me too!" Taylor agreed. "His name should be, um... Titan! Yeah, that makes him sound tough and cool!"

"No, no, no!" Chloe argued. "It should be Cloud,"

"What, do you want him to carry around a huge sword or something?"

She stomped her foot. "Not _that_ Cloud. It's because he's all white and big and fluffy!"

Paolo watched quietly as they argued over what his name should be. "I think it should be Philly," he put in after a while, though they didn't seem to hear him.

"That's a nice name," I told him.

He looked up at me, smiling. "Really, you think so? That's what I'm naming my puppy that Dad promised he would get me."

"Well, I don't think you'd want me to steal your puppy's name then,"

It took him a moment to think about it. "Yeah, I guess you're right,"

By the time we arrived at our destination, Chloe and Taylor had come to the decision that they would just let me name the dog, which I was happy about because some of the alternatives that had come up were things like Optimus Prime and Mister Foofy-Tail. I couldn't help but wonder what went through their head's sometimes.

I eagerly looked to see if the path was still there, but Kathy and Owen caught us before we could venture into the forest.

"Now, what are you guys dragging Angela into this time?" Owen called from the wooden porch in front of the blacksmith's.

"She's taking us to a super awesome sledding course she made!" Chloe said happily. "You should come with us!"

"Maybe we will later," Kathy said as she looped her arm through Owen's. "But right now we're going for a walk," she winked at me, as if to say, _he's totally going to propose, just you watch_.

"Ugh," Taylor said. "I hate mushy girlfriend stuff. At least you don't have to do that stuff when you get married,"

"That's not how it works," Chloe protested and made kissy faces. "They're like that _aaall daaay_,"

"Gross!"

"And when are you two going to get hitched?" Owen laughed. "Tell me the date and I'll be sure to mark it down!"

"Ew! Stop it!" Taylor complained and ran off.

_Hitched_. I didn't really hear the rest of the conversation as I looked down at my dog.

"How about Hitch? Is that a good name for you?"

He wagged his tail and barked. Hitch it was.

"Oh, Angela," Kathy called back to me before they were out of earshot. "Come to the bar tomorrow night; we're serving our special curry again!"

I nodded and went to chase after the kids. As odd as it may sound, my absolute favorite curry came from Harmonica Bar. Unfortunately, they only served it a few times a year and I wouldn't have even known about it unless Kathy hadn't mentioned it. I really wasn't much for alcohol, so I didn't really have a reason to go there anyway.

"Woah," the kids were gawking at the forest once I had caught up with them.

"Did you really do this all, Angela?" Paolo's eyes were huge.

I didn't blame him; an amazing twisting, winding path led through the forest at a safe level of incline. It definitely looked like the path I walked, but way better than I had ever noticed before. It was almost too perfect.

In no time, they were laughing and shouting as they made more runs down the slope than I could count. Before I had let them go down, we had marked a starting line and the path they would follow by jabbing sticks into the ground. I tried my best to keep my eye on them, but by this time Dale had come out to check on all the commotion, Boss following closely behind. As I looked at the two dogs next to each other, I could definitely tell that they were the same breed. _Yeah, I think it'll fit well, I'll just ask Dale about it later..._

" I see you got a dog," the old carpenter said in greeting. "I knew there was another one like ol' Boss out there but he would never come to me, just disappearing back into the woods anytime I got close."

"I guess animals just like me is all,"

He looked at me as though I were challenging his animal skills, but he waved it away. "It don't surprise me,"

I was about to respond but my sentence was interrupted by frantic shouting.

"Look out!" I heard Paolo yell and we both looked up to see him speeding towards us. He must have missed that last turn because he was now rushing over rocks and loose tree branches. The sled managed to skid to a grinding halt before it sprayed snow all over our pant legs.

Dale reached down and pulled the hood off the boy's face. "Now what're you think you're doing?"

"Oh, hi Mister Dale. Angela made us this sledding path!" He quickly said before getting up and passing the sled onto Taylor.

He scratched his chin. "Now I swear I'd never seen that path there before... You made it?"

"I have a lot of free time," I managed.

That seemed to be a good enough answer and a reminiscing look filled his face. "Seein' all those kids running around and having fun reminds me of Luke when he was they're age... sure do miss those days. Then again, he's still sorta that way, so I guess it isn't so bad."

So this was what happened when you got older; you sat there, remembering how good the past used to be. I was by no means _old_, but I could relate. Albeit painfully, but still.

After awhile, I looked up to see the sun starting to dip down behind the tree line; how could we have been at this almost all day? We would need to get going soon. I turned back to Dale.

"Say, do you still have that old sled harness you used for Boss?"

"Hmm, I haven't used that thing in years, but I think I still have it."

I nodded gratefully as left to go fetch it for me. I figured that it would be fun to let the kids have a ride before they got too heavy to. In no time he was back and helped me attach the worn leather harness to Hitch. He didn't seem to mind, which almost took me by surprise—this dog was way calmer than I had thought.

When I finally called the kids back, there were a lot of complaints.

"Your parents are going to be worried about you if I don't get you home before supper," I reprimanded them.

"I don't have parents," Chloe said without any kind of negative hint in her voice. She just didn't seem to... care.

I stared at her for a moment. "Well, your grandpa, then. Now run along before I make you," I pointed at the blacksmith shop, whose chimney was steadily puffing out smoke into the chilly winter air.

"But I wanna ride on the sled," she complained.

"Some other day, I promise."

She glumly nodded her head and ran back to her home.

"When do you need this back?" I turned to Dale as I held onto the reign.

He shook his head and smiled. "Don't worry about it, you can have it. Boss is getting too old for that stuff." He stretched painfully before heading back to his door. "I feel for the old boy, I know what he's going through."

I chuckled and started on my way back to taking the boys to their homes. Paolo rode all the way to the fishery and Taylor took the seat on the way to Flute Fields. By the time we got to our home we were both exhausted.

"Good job, Hitch," I ran my hands through his fur as he panted. It was starting to look like a good thing that I had kept him. Not that he had given me much of a choice, though.

Well, there I was again in my empty house, tired and sickly. This time I wasn't completely alone, though, which really gave me the sense of contentment that I had unknowingly been searching for since Finn left. I looked at the unpacked boxes of Christmas decorations that I had brought down yesterday, but after sitting down for a while I didn't think it would do me any good to get up and moving again—I had had enough of that today.

"Tomorrow," I promised myself as my eyelids slipped shut. "You'll see, Finn. I _can_ be cheery..."

* * *

**A/N: Time for a little change of pace. I admit I really enjoyed writing this chapter, it was nice to take a break from all the sadness (woah wait, me? Taking a break from the angst? Whaaat-). Pertaining to the last chapter, I didn't give Angela a horrible past just to increase the sadness, there'll be a reason later on, just incase you were worried about that. So yeah! Happy chapter~**


	8. Snow Angels

**Chapter Eight**

"Which one?" I held up two different strings of lights.

Hitch stared at me, not understanding.

"Of course you don't..." I murmured.

That morning I had started unpacking my Christmas decorations. There were already snowmen and gingerbread figures on the fireplace mantle, holiday scented candles on the table, and faux garlands hanging of the shelves and cupboards. I didn't have a tree yet, but I had put in an order for one, so it was probably arriving at my door later that day. Now I was looking down at two types of lights to put up in the window: the big colored bulbs or the small silver lights? Hmm...

Just then, I heard a knock on the door. Kathy marched in as soon as it was open, something she did all the time. Maybe since she lived at the bar she was used to people to just opening the doors and coming in, but it didn't bother me; she was welcome anytime.

"I was wrong," She flung her hands in the air. "He didn't... you know..."

"Come on, sweetie, it'll be okay," I sat her down in a chair at my kitchen table. "He'll propose when he's ready to. Maybe marriage just isn't the best thing for Owen right now."

"Yeah," she grumbled. "Because he totally has his other bachelor friends to be bros with—oh wait! _Luke is married_." she said in sarcastic frustration. "The fact that Luke is man enough to have been married for a year now and Owen still has cold feet really bothers me."

_I think I'll go with the colored ones_, I looked down at the bulbs.

"Angie? Are you even listening?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, of course. It's just, we've had this conversation so many times. You tell me what he did and I tell you it'll be fine. I think at this point if you were so annoyed with this you would just propose to him yourself."

"Are you serious about that?"

I blinked. "I dunno, maybe I am."

Kathy sighed, blowing the hair out of her face. "I don't want to scare him away though; you know how men are with commitment. Also I'm afraid that I'd hurt his manly pride if I were to be the one with the blue feather." She said with a smirk.

"Naturally," I smiled back. "Now, how about you help me put up these lights. You couldn't have come all the way down here just to tell me about another disappointment."

"Well, actually, I came down to ask you about borrowing that old blue tarp you have; you still using it?"

My eyes flickered the barn. Normally I would use it to keep down the wheat I harvested, but this year... "No, I'm not using it."

"Oh good. I'm taking our pickup to go out of town tonight; Dad needs some things, I don't want snow getting all over them."

I nodded. Whenever Hayden needed to get supplies from the city, he had Kathy go out and get them. I didn't want to say he had anxiety, but I had never seen him leave Castanet since I had been here. He seemed tough and unapproachable at times, but anyone who got know him would know he was just a big softie. I knew he had lost his wife when Kathy was a teen, but I wasn't sure if that was the reason he was seemingly tethered to this small town. Really, the more I thought about it, the more I saw other broken people. Castanet was a place for refugees to get away from the storm of life: it was a place of comfort in the midst of loss and death. It was a place for me to get a new start, but also the place that I would be ending my life. Not that I would want to do so in any other town, but my heart was already buried here. I looked over at Kathy, who was helping me tack the string of lights up into my window. Yeah, I could definitely see the reason I had to love this place; with people like Kathy, I wasn't sure I would want to leave either.

"Are you okay?" Kathy said softly, catching me away from my thoughts.

"Yeah... everything's fine."

"Okay," After she attached the last wire to the wall she added, "But the colored ones, really? How old are you, eight?"

"Hey!" I laughed. "I'm leaving the white ones for the tree!"

"Haha, that's fine. So, are you coming to the bar tonight?"

"Oh yeah, I'd never miss that curry."

"We're starting it at five, so you can come by early in case you need your rest,"

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at?"

"Nothing, nothing," she smiled. "You just seemed a little tired yesterday; I thought your cold might be getting worse."

"Try playing with three kids all day and you'll see just how tiring it is,"

"I know," her expression turned serious. "I just need you to take care of yourself is all."

"I am!" I protested.

She walked over to my kitchen counter and nodded to the bottle of pills Jin had given me. "And what is this I see? A barely touched bottle of medicine?"

"Alright," I admitted. "Maybe I haven't been taking those like I should. I just don't see the point—"

"The _point_? Angela, the point is to keep you from getting even worse! What do you think they're for, to make you feel better about yourself?"

I came over and angrily took off the lid. "Fine, I'll take them! Look," I shoved two into my mouth and swallowed them without water. "Are you happy now?"

Kathy sighed through her nose. "Why is that we always have to come down to this these days?"

"I don't know, maybe you should stay out of business,"

"Oh really now?" Her eyes widened. "For the love of—Angela, I'm your _best friend_. You're business is my business. Don't you dare for a second think that I'm just gonna let you die because you aren't taking your medicine!"

I looked away, staring hard at the wall. When I wouldn't respond, she grabbed my shoulders.

"When you hurt yourself," she whispered, "You hurt _me_. I can't stand to watch you get even sicker just because you don't think you need help. Because you _do_,"

My eyes dropped to the floor. "Fine. I'll take the stupid pills."

"That's all I want," she let go of my shoulders.

Before I could respond, there was another knock at my door. This time it was Craig with the tree I ordered and I graciously let him inside, changing the subject Kathy and I were on.

"She's a beauty," he whistled once the tree was set up. "One of our finest, too; almost a shame to get rid of her, heh."

"Yeah," Kathy agreed as she walked over with a box of ornaments in her arms.

"Thank you," I gave him the money before he left.

"It's too bad we won't be putting these antlers on your cows this year," she said as she picked up a pair made of green felt.

I smiled at the fond memories. "Well, we have Hitch this time around, I'm sure he wouldn't mind it."

We turned to the dog, who was staring up at us from where he lay. In no time he looked like a big white reindeer, complete with a red foam nose. We shared a laugh as he tried to paw the decorations off of his head.

That was another thing that made me realize why I was so lucky to have Kathy: she could be serious and nagging (for the right reasons of course) one moment and the next she could be laughing right next to me, simply enjoying our time together. Unfortunately, that time had to come to end and she left before the tree was finished.

"I'll see you in a few hours," she waved and exited into the frosty cold.

After she was gone, the festive spirit drained a little bit. I sat there, munching on a sugar cookie I had baked out of restlessness earlier that morning and stared at the decorations.

Yeah, Finn would definitely be proud.

* * *

The hours passed by slowly and finally I was ready to set out.

"You've got to stay here," I told Hitch as he whimpered.

I closed the door to his sad face and hugged myself in the cold.

Before I got to the bar, I crossed path with Maya, who was making snow angels on the side of the road by herself. I felt sort of bad just passing by her when she looked so lonely, so I quietly sat down in the snow and joined her.

She looked at me, a bit confused. "Hi Angela,"

"Hi," I responded awkwardly. No one said anything for a moment, so we just lay there, spreading our limbs in and out to make the shape of angels. The awkwardness had become almost unbearable but thankfully she spoke before I got up to leave.

"Do you think I'm a failure?"

I stopped moving. I didn't know her all that well, but as much as I did see, she kept her head up most of the time and bounced back quickly after getting yelled at. Maybe she just wasn't done bouncing back yet.

"I think we all fail sometimes," I answered after a moment.

"Hmm... I don't think I'll ever not be a failure."

She continued making her angel.

"Well, maybe you have to be good at _something_,"

"Eating,"

"Then eat; eat with all your heart. There's plenty of successful people out there who eat for a living."

"You think so? I don't think Chase will say I'm successful for something like that,"

I sat up, my back getting cold. "Are you only looking for his approval?"

She didn't respond, but just looked up at the cloudy sky.

"If you're only looking for someone else's approval," I started slowly, "Then you'll never approve of yourself. I guess I learned that awhile ago."

"That's easy for you to say; you're strong and pretty and easy to talk to. I'm dull and klutzy and I don't know how to cook."

"Don't say that about yourself—"

"But it's true," She sat up quickly to look me in the eye.

Where was the happy Maya that I was used to?

"Did... did Chase say something to you?"

"Nope,"

I blinked. "Then why are you so upset?"

She shrugged and lay back down. "I don't know, I guess it's the weather. Cloudy skies make me sad, and I can't help feeling bad about myself. Snow angels making feel better sometimes," She pointed next to her and I saw a line of them.

After all that judgment, all the harsh words she had endured... I could see how it was taking its toll on her. Maya certainly wasn't the type to harm herself, but this way of letting it almost bothered me.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" It seemed like the only good way to respond.

"No, but thanks for trying,"

I nodded and got up. Before I could finish dusting the snow off my jacket, her words stopped me in my tracks.

"You're a good person, Angela. I can see why he likes you so much,"

"...Who?"

She just looked at me and got up to make another snow angel. _Oh_.

I felt bad as I walked away and I couldn't help looking at every angel as I passed it. Poor girl...

I still couldn't shake the feeling when I got to the tavern, even with its warm and inviting atmosphere. I sat down at the bar slab and the smell of curry met my nose, making me realize just how hungry I was.

"What can I get ya?" Hayden said as cleaned a shot glass. "Wait, let me guess: curry?"

I nodded as Chase turned around slightly to glance at me, then got back to stirring the pan of rice.

"What's wrong with Maya?" I finally blurted out now that the chef had recognized the fact that I was sitting there.

He turned to look out the window, though he couldn't have possibly seen her from where we were. "She's doing it again, isn't she?" he sighed.

"It's your fault, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "How should I know?"

But the look on his face told me that he _did_ know and that he was... wait, was that regret I saw? The way his eyebrows knit together and how his mouth creased down just a bit as he turned away told me that he wasn't proud of himself for it. In no time a plate of steaming curry was placed in front of me and I was eating away, enjoying the perfect blend of spices.

"How is it?"

I looked up to see Chase staring expectantly at me. He seemed eager to change the subject from what we were just talking about.

"This is what you came here for, right?" he looked down at my plate. "Why else would you be at the bar for? I mean, because you don't drink and all."

"Huh?" His words seemed to mix together and confusion suddenly took my mind over, the fork dropping out of my hand.

"Hey, are you okay? Angela?" he took my wrist and shook it a bit. "What's wrong?"

I managed to take a sip of water despite the dizziness. "I-I'm fine. Just a little dizzy is all."

He put my hand back on the counter but was still gently holding my wrist. "Do you need me to get Jin—"

"I'm fine!" I snapped and yanked my arm away, causing him to stand back and raise his eyebrows a bit. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

Chase's expression turned into one of surprise. I had thought it was what I had said, but he wasn't looking at me. "Well there's something you don't see every day," he murmured.

I looked behind me to see Luke and Owen marching through the door with an air of celebration and a very unhappy Gill threaded through their arms. He had his usual scowl when it came to dealing with Luke, but grudging happiness lit up his eyes.

"Drinks all around!" Owen called as they plopped the mayor's son down on a barstool a seat away from me. "It's on us today!"

"What's the big occasion?" Hayden asked from behind the bar as he nonchalantly cleaned another glass.

Luke sat down next to me and put an arm around Gill's neck and his other one around mine. "Guess who the newest engaged couple in town is?"

"Gill and Angela?" Hayden looked at us with just a bit of questioning. "Congrats, though I didn't know you two were, er, together."

"No, that is the way Luke is stupidly making it look like. This is how _rumors_ get started." His razor gaze was trained onto said carpenter. Realizing what he was doing, he quickly took his arms away from us and put them on the counter.

"Oooh, that's not what I meant at all!" he laughed. "Gill and Luna, that's whose getting hitched!"

"Yes, and I was planning on taking her to dinner but your rude interruption is what brought me here."

"Man, I thought we already told you," Owen spoke up from the other side of Gill. "It was all her idea! Didn't you see the way she was smiling and laughing when we dragged you here to celebrate?"

"I would have been able to see if you hadn't _blindfolded_ me," he yanked a bandana from around his neck. "I just can't believe that she would ask for you to kidnap me for forced socialization. Luna knows this is not my idea of celebration."

"She only wants you to try to have fun like normal people your age," Kathy said as she came around and placed Owen's favorite martini in on the counter in front of him. She gave her boyfriend a distasteful look, my best guess being about the whole marriage thing, but she brushed it off quickly. She was great at her job, remembering what customers did and did not like; that was something that I really admired about my friend. She was quick on feet and good with words, and before Gill was even able to argue with her she was by his side with her notepad out. "At least try to have fun, for her sake. Oh yeah, a tomato cocktail is your normal, right? You want me to add one to their tab or are you feeling like changing things up tonight?"

"I suppose I'll have the normal: a tomato cocktail, _alone_."

Owen seemed to get the hint but took no offense. "I get it man, we'll be over there if you wanna join the party."

"Only if you promise to sing karaoke with us later!" Luke chimed in.

"If I say yes, will you go away?"

"Ha, ha, yeah, of course!" Luke got up from his barstool. "C'mon, O-Man, Selena should be on any minute."

"I thought she wasn't dancing now that she's pregnant?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that,"

Their conversation faded as the two men walked away, leaving me and Gill sitting at the bar with Chase looking back and forth between us.

"Engaged, huh?" Chase finally spoke up. "When's the big event?"

"A week and a half,"

The chef raised his eyebrows. "No time to waste, eh?"

He grudgingly smiled. "It's Luna's idea. Also my father is nagging both of us about grandchildren, so promising him a wedding this month should hopefully put him at bay."

"And I'm guessing your best man isn't going to be Luke?" Chase's eyes flickered across the room where the captors were having a loud arm wrestling match.

"Actually," Gill said as his distasteful expression disappeared, "I couldn't think of anyone else, so I was wondering if you would be willing to take that role."

Chase smirked and turned around to serve up another plate of curry. "I'll think about it; if I have time that day, anyway."

Gill made an amused sound and took a drink of the cocktail Kathy had brought to him a moment ago. I remembered her telling me about how these two men used to practically hate each other, as though they were in some ultra-competitive contest to see who could be more tactless in their speech and repulsed by humanity. Apparently they started getting along recently and now Chase was the only other man his age that Gill almost enjoyed being in the company of. I didn't really notice a difference in their relationship even though I had been in this town for nearly eight years now, but I guess a dysfunctional friendship between two people that used to hate each other was sort of touching.

As I finished my food, Chase put a plate of the same thing in front of Gill. "It's on the house." He then turned his attention to me, trying not to look concerned. "You never answered my question."

"I told you I'm fine,"

He rolled his eyes. "You sure do have a one track mind, don't you? I was talking about the food."

I felt my face get hot out of embarrassment. "Oh. It's... it's very good. The best I've ever had."

Chase nodded and turned back to his kitchen duties without a word.

After an uninterested bite of the daily special, Gill turned to me. He opened his mouth to say something, but he looked as though he was listening to something. However, the expression passed as quickly as it had come and he turned his attention back to talking. "Have you been feeling better at all recently?"

I eyed him, unsure of why he had a sudden interest in my health. We had never been very close; in fact, the most he did for me was a promise to look after my house while I was gone. "I'm strong enough to handle my own, if that's what you're getting at." After a moment I added, "Why?"

"...No reason in particular. You're a strong woman, Angela. I know that much about you. But at some point you're going to need to let people help you; even I can't do everything on my own, I've tried."

I looked down at my empty plate, trying not to get frustrated. "What are trying to say?"

"I'm simply trying to give you the answer to a problem that I had to figure out on my own. You're facing the same type of—"

"You have not been through _anything_ similar to the hell I've had to live with," I cut him off angrily. "Have you gone through a sickness that you knew you would die of one day—that you've tried to heal through pain and tears—only to find out that all that misery was for nothing? Have you—" I stopped myself. I wanted to yell that he hadn't lost a spouse or a child or a loved one, but he hadn't grown up with a living mother, I knew that she had died when he was a child. But still, that just... it just didn't compare to what I had experienced!

_His pain was inferior to mine._

I frightened myself with how fierce my own thoughts could be and I knew that I had to get out of there before I said or did something I would regret. I slammed the money down on the counter and snatched up my coat before anybody could stop me. I saw Kathy making her way to me out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored her and walked out into the freezing night air. Maya was no longer on the path back to my house, but the silhouette of their snow angels remained. The hope that had swelled up in me the day before was nothing more than a memory, the same way that the shape of snow angels were still there but the person they belonged to was not. I stomped past them, too angry to let any other emotion rise up in my throat.

Who did he think he was, trying to tell me what I should do? Since when was the mayor's son benevolent, trying to help his fellow townspeople? That just wasn't the way he was. It was almost as though he was helping me out of pity... Well I didn't need that! The more I played his words back in my head, the more it sounded like he was belittling me. I was passing by my fields when I stopped as all at once the anger drained from my body.

He was just trying to help me.

Kathy's words about how people had changed since I'd been gone came back to me.

Gill hadn't been a jerk, he was just as capable of kindness as I was of spontaneous rage. He had just been trying to... to help...

The emotional and physical strain of the past few days suddenly hit me like a wall. I felt my body giving up and within a few seconds my knees buckled and I fell backwards. I'm not sure how long I laid there in the snow, arms and legs sprawled out and splayed, but at some point the cold sunk in and I retracted to a fetal position. I felt so weak and dizzy, I couldn't possibly get myself back into my house even though it was only a few yards away. I must have blacked out a few times because the sky kept getting darker in odd intervals. As my consciousness started to slip away again, I heard voices.

"Angela!"

I forced an eye to crack open, but I wasn't sure who had called my name. Two orange haired people were running up me: one of them was definitely Chloe, with her pigtail sticking up on her head. The other one... wait, I think it was Chase. But I had just seen him at the tavern, what was he... he... doing here...

Then the blackness washed over me.

* * *

**A/N**: Hey, hey, you wanna hear a funny joke?

Finals.

HahahahahHAHAHAHAHAH.

Thank you MimiZ for your concern, I actually just got over the stomach flu, but I'm better now. Actually I've been ridiculously busy, as in I've helped with a Banquet, a memorial service, a retirement party, and I also went out of town to visit the college I will be attending next fall. So if that doesn't answer your question of "Jeez where have you been!?" then I don't know what will.

Also finals.

Basically I will not be finishing this on my schedule but thank you guys for your support and patience. I wish I could do better than this


	9. Fireplace

**Chapter Nine**

I woke up with a jolt, but soft, warm blankets and the lulling glow of a fireplace calmed me and I sunk back into the comfort of my bed.

I was in my house. How did I get here?

Oh right, there were some people last night... I slowly looked around to see Chloe sleeping next to the fireplace with her arm around Hitch and Chase in the kitchen, his back turned to me. I closed my eyes, too tired to wonder exactly what had happened. After a few moments I felt a hand on my forehead. I looked up to meet Chase's eyes and he kneeled next to my bed, holding up an orange medicine bottle.

"I'm guessing these are for your cold,"

My throat was incredibly dry, but I managed to croak out a _yes_.

He took out a few and handed them to me with a glass of water. "You're burning up with a fever."

"Why didn't you take me to the clinic?"

He shrugged. "Your house was closer. I figured that if all you had was a cold, I wouldn't bother the doctor that late; we found you around midnight."

_We_.

I looked back at Chloe. "What is she doing here?"

Chase sighed. "She's the one who came and got me. I don't know what she was doing walking around so late at night, but she ran all the way to the bar to find me. Owen was still there and tried to convince her to go home, but she wanted to stay with you." He chuckled. "She even said she would stay up to make sure you were okay, but I guess kids don't realize how tired they get."

"Why did she get _you_? I mean, couldn't she have gotten Kathy or someone?" Then I remembered that she was out of town.

He snorted. "What, you didn't expect me to be on the list of emergency contacts?" After a moment he added, "And I really have no idea why she picked me."

His face said he was lying.

I decided not to even ask why. Eventually I glanced at the window, only to see that it was still dark. "What time is it?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked at my nightstand then back to me.

"Oh," I looked at my alarm clock to see a blinking 3:32 AM. "You didn't have to stay up for me," I blurted out, but I stopped myself before I was able to add _I'm fine_. If it weren't for them finding me, I probably would have died out there.

"Well someone needed to look after you," he paused to put a cool, damp dishrag on my forehead. "I found some useful things in your kitchen; I hope you don't mind that I cooked some of them. After all, I needed some way to pass the time."

The smell of food wafted over to my nose, but the hunger that would usually come after not eating for so many hours didn't register. I stared at the ceiling, wondering if I should thank him for helping me or if I should just stay quiet. I let a long sigh pass my lips, wanting to cry from frustration; of course, I wouldn't let him see me like that, but that doesn't mean I didn't felt helpless.

"...Thanks," I added after a moment.

Chloe stirred from where she was laying. Chase looked back at her and after she yawned and continued snoring away, he took a deep breath.

"Yeah, sure; just make sure you thank the real reason you're even here."

I wasn't sure if he meant _here_ as in inside my house or actually still having my life. I shouldn't have asked, but the question came to my mind.

"Why are you nice to me?"

"I wouldn't say that _nice_ is the right word,"

"Well if you're going to be difficult, then why do you treat me so differently than, I don't know, Maya?"

He was obviously miffed. "You should get some rest,"

"Tell me why you treat her that way," I reached out and grabbed his arm. That sudden burst of energy evaporated and my grip went limp.

"Why do you care? It's none of your business." He shook his arm from my hand and began to get up.

I tried to let it go, but as I watched him walk back to the kitchen a pang of sympathy for Maya went through me. "All she wants is for you to accept her. Why can't you just do that?"

He regarded my question with an unreadable expression. "...You don't know her like I do."

"So, just because you've known her, what, a few years more than me makes it totally different? You don't let her get anywhere near you personally, so how does that make your relationship to her so difficult?"

"You're not the one who has someone who's obsessed with pleasing you," he bit back at my questions. "She thinks I'm this amazing person that should be looked up to and I know better than that; frankly, she annoys me because I know I'm not the kind of man that deserves that and I just want to be left alone."

My eyes dropped to the floor and my head fell back to the pillow. "But... she cares about you,"

"What gives you the right?" Chase walked back to the foot of my bed. "Why are you reprimanding me when we're practically the same?"

"Excuse me?"

He shook his head. "You're too overcome with your own pride that you push everyone away that tries to help you. The people here are all sorta weird, but one thing really sets them apart from the people who live in the city: they _care_. If you think I'm in the wrong for pushing Maya away because she, _wow_, 'cares,' then you're just as much of a sinner as I am."

"We are not the same," I said bitterly. "You're a flat-out _jerk _to her; I'm trying to not be a burden on people. As long as I can take care of myself, I don't want—or need—anybody's pity or help."

"Well I guess you don't need _mine_ then," he said as he grabbed his coat.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving, since obviously it's such a burden on me and I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings,"

I stared at him as he angrily walked to the door, not before taking a hesitant glance at Chloe.

"You can't just walk back through the snow at three o'clock in morning; you'll freeze!"

"Well that obviously didn't stop you," and with that, the door was shut behind him and I was alone with Chloe.

What if something happened? I wasn't in the shape to keep her safe should some horrible catastrophe take place. Most likely nothing would happen, but I couldn't help but worry about both my rescuers. I turned over and pulled the blankets up to my face. What had I done? I'd just gone and chased off one of people who actually did something for me. Half of my mind was arguing that he was right, but I just... just couldn't accept that! I _knew_ how Chase was; while he really was a decent person once you got to know him, he could still be such a disagreeable, difficult person. I always tried my best to be friendly; we were in no way the same...

But if we weren't at all, why did I start feeling a hint of shame, a spark of hatred and disgust with myself...?

I closed my eyes, trying to swallow the feeling down, and within a few minutes I was sleeping as deeply as Chloe.

* * *

I woke up to two large green eyes staring at my face. Chloe let out a huge sigh as I squinted from the sunlight streaming through the windows.

"Oh good, I thought you were dead or something."

"Wha...?" Then I remembered what had happened and guilt instantly swallowed me up. "Is Chase here?"

She looked around and shrugged. "I guess I fell asleep or something, so he probably left in the middle of the night. Now why would he do that?"

"Yeah, I wonder," I muttered.

"Oh, I hope you're okay that I took some wood from your porch to put in the fire; it got so cold in here this morning!"

I looked at the fireplace, which was barely burning now. I could still feel the warmth that it left lingering throughout the house.

"I also used your phone to call Owen,"

"Why didn't you leave with him?"

She folded her arms. "Well obviously Chase didn't stick around so it would be sorta wrong to just leave you here half-dead. I only called him so he could bring me some things from my room."

I glanced around the room, but nothing seemed to be out of place. "...What did he bring you?"

"Just some craft stuff so I could make you something,"

I raised an eyebrow.

The girl went over to the fireplace hearth and picked something up. "This is for you," she handed me a crudely wrapped figure.

I carefully tore the paper away, revealing a small statue of an angel. It was made out of clay and wire, fitting in the palm of my hand, but my smile faded as I turned it around. "You made this?"

She nodded.

"Why are its wings broken?" The feathered wings seemed to be purposely bent in odd angles, like a bird that could no longer fly.

"Oh yeah! It's you: an angel with broken wings."

I looked at her in confusion.

"Yesterday when we found you... well, it looked like you made a snow angel, but your wings were broken." Chloe became quiet. "I always thought you were so pretty and nice, just like what an angel would be like... but you had to leave to go to the hospital and stay there, like an angel who couldn't fly back to heaven." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "But even though you're back... you're still broken."

Normally when someone even simply implied that I needed help I would shoot them down, arguing that I could take care of myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to deny what this young girl was saying.

I _was_ broken.

I gently traced my finger along the bent wings, feeling my heart get heavier with every angle.

"You're _my_ angel," she said after a moment. "I don't remember having a mom, and they say that a mother is your guardian angel... I guess I always secretly thought you were like that, so having my own angel be broken... I want to fix you."

"I—" I couldn't just tell her that I was unfixable. After all the things I had gone through with the goddess and Finn, and even the Harvest King, I just knew that it was no longer possible. But, remembering how I was at her age, almost a teenager but not just yet, everything seemed a little more hopeful. She hadn't quite started to see how rough life was for everyone, so I didn't want to tear that hope down right now. I smiled and put my hands around the precious statue. "If you think you can help me, then you try your very best."

Her normal grin returned to her face. "We can fix your wings together! I know we can! If you make it to the new year, I'm sure my wish will come true and you'll be happy again."

Ah, yes, the New Year's wishes. The traditions in this town held a deep meaning to the people, even the silly wishes we all made on the first day of the New Year. I knew her wish for me to be healed couldn't possibly come true, but she was so sweet that I couldn't just tell her to wish for something more likely.

Chloe moved aside as I slowly got to my feet, and I was almost surprised that my legs were able to hold my weight. I shakily walked to the fireplace and placed the special figure between two of my favorite scented candles.

"And here it'll stay," I turned back to Chloe. "Close to the hearth, the warmest most comfortable part of the house. That's where things heal the best, where the most love is,"

She ran over and before I could stop her she nearly knocked me over with a hug. "I know you can get better," she said. "I just know it."

* * *

**A/N: Well I really lost track of time, eh? Sorry about that. I guess I could give excuses about how I got a job and life started picking up around winter break but now that I think about it, it's my fault for not getting on the ball with writing. I have every chapter outlined but not all of it is quite written yet, so...**

**Anyway, I'm trying to get back on top of things, so as of right now my goal is to finish this story before winter ends. After all, it is about winter, not the holidays that take place in that time. Though I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but basically this story takes place 100% over December, so each chapter really does represent one day or something like that so yes, Chapter Twenty-Five will be a Christmas chapter and so on and so forth. Sorta weird now that it's January, but oh well.**

**Curse my procrastination!**

**Anyhoo, I hope you all had a lovely new year! See ya next chapter!**


	10. Snowed In

**Chapter Ten**

I didn't have the strength to get out.

Ever since Chloe had left the day before, I had stayed in bed, trying not to feel the fatigue that ached in my bones and pounded behind my eyes. I found some multivitamins in the cabinet and took a handful. It's not like one-a-day vitamins could really do any harm. I also finished the off iron pills I took home from the hospital that was supposed to help my anemia, but I really hadn't noticed a difference.

I picked up the phone to call Jin, hoping he could drop off more supplements since I really didn't see how I had enough energy to get down to the clinic, but unfortunately I found my phone cable was down. I hung up the receiver and sighed as Hitch whimpered at my legs, wanting to go outside.

"Poor boy," I said as we walked to the door. "After all the time with Chloe yesterday you must be sorta lonely,"

I figured it would be okay to let him out to bark and play around even though it appeared to be dark outside. My alarm clock read 11:30 A.M., so I had growing suspicions as to what happened and it wasn't pleasant. As I walked by I glanced over at the fireplace, at the little clay angel Chloe had made for me. Seeing the bent wings only made my back ache more, but I just stretched out then swung open the door.

"Why am I even surprised," I said as Hitch went running face-first into a pile of snow.

My entire door was blocked with a wall of frosty white and I cursed to myself when I realized that my shovel was in the shed. Not that I was even capable of shoveling out my porch, of course, but now I was stuck inside with an antsy dog and no fire wood.

It's not that I forgot that it could blizzard overnight in Castanet sometimes; it's just that I... was preoccupied. Okay, okay, I forgot. I would keep my shovel inside the house every year during winter, but I guess that this year around I'd been too tired and sad to remember every detail of my routine. I sat down in front of the door next to my whining dog, trying to calm him down. I couldn't help but be glad that it wasn't like this when Chase had left two nights before, but after thinking about my argument another wave of sadness washed over me. I just sat there dejectedly, running my fingers through the snow. I had forgotten how pretty it was, with all the crystals and flakes coming together to make a gorgeous white fluff. It was nice to feel the sensation of cold against my fingertips, reminding me that I wasn't quite dead yet.

In one final attempt to see if I could get out, I took a broom and shoved the handle into the dense mass of snow, but I still couldn't see daylight when I brought it back in. It was the same way when I poked it through the windows on the front of the house, but I was able to get a little bit of light to come in from the side and back windows. I sighed when I remembered how I had planted flowers a few days before; there was no way I could bring them back from under five feet of snow, if it was even piled up that low.

With things the way they were, I really didn't have much of anything to do. Getting rest really was the best option at this point, so I grudgingly got back into my warm covers after cranking up the thermostat.

Now, it's not often that I have out of the ordinary dreams—you know, the kind that feel like, I don't know, they were _sent_ to you—but as I stared into the face of the Harvest Goddess I had an uncanny feeling that this wasn't just a normal dream.

The nice thing was that I didn't feel like myself; well, not my current state of being, but the one I used to be in. The prime of my youth, toned muscles and tan skin; remembering the way I used to be was like being in someone else's body.

"Wh-what do you want with me?" I tried sound indignant, but seeing how I was feeling so good, I just couldn't be angry with her at the moment.

She just smiled in that warm, comforting way that melts away all negative emotions. "Angela," she said airily. "You have been good to me, and to these people, to _my_ people, but you must not let your pride blind you or else you will lose everything you care about once again."

She waved her hand and in my arms was a baby. I almost dropped her out of surprise, but once I recognized her face, my anger returned.

"Why are you showing me this?! Are you trying to hurt me more than I've already been?" My voice caught in my throat.

"No, Angela; it is a gift. I must be going soon, but I can grant you a final blessing," She reached down and gently took the baby from my arms. I tried to resist at first, but I felt my arms go limp against my will.

The goddess kissed the baby's forehead and looked at her with admiration, as though she were her own child. She closed her eyes and whispered words in an ancient language, just like she did with Finn, but this time it sounded... hopeful. I could feel tears falling as the baby began dissolving into golden light, floating upward.

"Find her," she whispered, but I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or the child.

"I... I don't understand," I said after the glowing was completely gone.

"Not yet, but soon," she smiled and took my hand. "My time is short, but I need you to be patient and strong, just for a little longer."

"But what does this mean?"

"I am truly sorry that I am not able to explain; you must remember that not all blessings are what they may seem." She looked up as though someone was calling her name. "Goodbye Angela, I must go now," she started to disappear.

As her hand slipped from mine, I grabbed out but she was no longer there. That last image in my mind before I fell to my knees was her smiling face, reassuring me that everything would be okay.

"Don't leave me," I stared at the ground, feeling the despair sink in once again. "I won't know what to do without you..."

After all my time in Castanet, the goddess had been my ultimate guide. I couldn't tell if she meant she had to leave the dream realm or something worse. The more I thought about it, the fuzzier my mind became. Soon enough the lulling dream world disappeared into reality, and I woke up to the sound of scraping on my porch.

The pounding headache returned as soon as I sat up, but as I walked to the door my rested legs felt a little stronger. The first thing I noticed when I opened the door was the obvious sunlight behind the snow pile. It must have gotten thinner since I'd been asleep, but before I could get my broom, a shovel pushed through the snow and stopped three inches from my face. As the heavy snow came crashing down into my house, an unlikely face appeared behind the shovel.

"It was Father's idea," Gill said as he looked down at the snow pile that was now in my living room. "I apologize for this; we will clean it up immediately."

Hitch barked and ran out the door, almost sending the mayor's son sprawling. As soon as he caught his balance, I saw Luna's face peak out from the side of the door, but her perky smile disappeared when she continued to look at me.

"Wah, Angela! You're so skinny! When was the last time you ate?" I flinched at how much that sounded like something Finn would say. She started making her way inside, looking at me as though she was trying to take my measurements for a dress. "You're practically a skeleton! No wonder you're so weak these days!"

"Luna," Gill said in a warning voice.

I put my hand up to stop him. "It's alright,"

"What you need is a good, hot meal. Here, let me call the inn for you," she picked up my phone, but it was still not working. "That's okay," she said as she put the phone down then walked to the fridge. "There must be something in here—oh! Casserole; it's barely been touched!"

That must've been what Chase had made the other night; I hadn't even thought about that. I watched as she started up the oven and got the food heated up. Glancing at Gill I could tell that he was keeping his frustration down as he shoveled the snow from my house. I couldn't imagine this cold, take-charge kind of man with this warm, equally take-charge kind of woman. But love worked in odd ways, so that made it make sense somehow (not at all really).

In no time the food was out of the oven and Luna insisted on giving me an extra helping.

"I may not be good at cooking, but I'm a pro at heating things up. Gilly-Bear can tell you all about my skills," she winked and I could practically feel his embarrassment, not sure whether it was from the comment or her pet name for him.

Before they left, Luna made sure I ate all of the food she gave me, which wasn't too difficult considering Chase's cooking was amazing as usual, even if it wasn't fresh.

"Make sure you eat the rest of that, I don't want you looking sickly at our wedding," Luna said as she handed me an invitation.

"You can be such mom sometimes," I teased her.

"She's definitely bossy enough to be one," Gill added from where he stood at the door. He helped Luna with her coat as she lightly smacked him for his comment.

"Bye!" she smiled and waved.

"Yeah, thanks for coming; make sure to thank Hamilton for me,"

Luna was already out the door, but Gill stopped before he followed his fiancé.

"Do you feel it?" he spoke quietly.

"Excuse me?"

"The absence..." his eyes darted around as though he was looking for something. "_Her_ absence,"

"I don't understand," I eyed him warily. I had never seen Gill act so strangely.

The look seemed to pass and he shook his head, but gave me knowing look. "I must be going; good day, Angela."

"Yeah, sure," my voice trailed off as I shut the door behind him. What was that all about?

I shook off the weirdness as I slumped into a chair. In the heavy quiet my house had just returned to, the sound of my telephone ringing made me jump a little bit. At least it was up and running again.

I picked up the receiver to hear the voice of a woman. "Is this Angela O'Neil?"

I flinched at the name. "I'm sorry, I don't go by that name anymore."

"Is your maiden name Harrison?"

"...Yes,"

"Ms. Harrison, I work with a witness protection agency, we've been looking for you for over a year."

I blinked. "Um... is there a problem?"

"No, quite the opposite. We have some information that we now feel you deserve to know," And, as if out of my dream, she said, "It's about your daughter."

* * *

**A/N: A bit of a shorter chapter here, but it starts the middle part of this story. Yay! Time to move on from the theme of loss and onto that of family/friends. I can't wait to finish writing how this act plays out, but thank you for your patience with me up to this point :)**


	11. Quilts

**Chapter Eleven**

"And... m-my husband?"

Silence. "I'm very sorry ma'am, but we have no further record of him."

I dropped my head. Of course; I shouldn't have expected anything else. I was able to snap back almost immediately though, the thought of my daughter still being alive and well somewhere seeming like a dream, and I couldn't let go of it yet.

"I, uh, my daughter! Where is she? How is she? Does she even know about me?"

"Please calm down," the woman at the other end said. "Before we can give you any information, we need some information to confirm your identity."

"Yes, anything,"

I answered her questions about my date of birth and my social security number among many other things, then was put on hold for a half hour. I was too anxious to realize that this might have been a scam, but at this point it didn't even matter. I paced back and forth the length that my wire would let me go, trying to calm the horrible nausea filling my head. When the woman came back on the line I jumped a little bit, but eagerly responded to her voice.

"We'll call you back in five to six business days,"

"No, wait!"

"Yes?"

I breathed in deeply, afraid that if I hung up I would never get a call back. "Can't you just give me some sort of information about her? Anything?"

Another horribly long silent moment took place. "She is currently living under a different identity in a small, very safe town and knows nothing about you or her father. I can assure you that she is doing well, and I will give you the rest of the information when I call back."

I couldn't speak, I just... needed to know more. But the tone of her voice told me that she could not let me know anything more, so I forced myself to keep from pushing for more information. "Thank you very much,"

"Good day,"

And with the click of her hanging up, I collapsed, unable to keep myself from crying. My baby girl was okay? How could that even be possible? My heartbeat sped up rapidly and I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears, but in a good way.

The bad thing was that it didn't stop ten minutes later and began to feel like someone was taking a rubber mallet to my chest. I gasped for breath and hugged myself tightly as I got up, but I only ended up falling before I could reach for the phone again. Before long the warm feeling in my body spread until my limbs were on fire and I could feel my heart working too hard, pumping the toxic blood through my body. Suddenly the tears weren't from relief but from the sheer and utter pain that I knew I would have to face now that I was away from the hospital.

"Help me!" I shouted as I crawled to the door in the most awkward, unconventional way you could possibly think of. Hitch walked circles around me and barked, as if trying to help me call out.

I ground my teeth so hard that my jaw locked. The doctors told me that I would get worse, that the pain would move from discomfort to unbearably excruciating, but... I hadn't expected it to happen so soon.

I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I could only hold myself on the ground, hoping and praying and wishing that I would pass out from the pain, but it didn't stop. I was eventually able to let out a guttural scream, too pained to realize how pathetic I was at that very moment.

At first no one came. I continued shouting and screaming and crying and begging to die and if I owned a gun or could even bear to reach for it... no. I had a daughter now. I fought through the pain and the tears, no longer shouting for death but for someone to find me. I just couldn't die, I just... _couldn't_.

But at the same time life was almost not worth living, each painful pump of my heart killing me slowly. My body begged to stop working but my mind shouted back.

_Don't you dare! You can't quit now!_

My vision blurred as I looked up at the orange light of the sunset that washed over the room, my mind not registering that someone had slammed open the front door.

"Angela! Nonononono, please!"

I wouldn't realize until later that it was Renee who found me.

"DAD!" she screamed, but everything else she shouted was lost in the pain and the pulse that took over my entire sense of hearing.

Before long I felt myself being lifted off the ground, not by a gurney but by two strong arms. I was carefully run out to a wagon where I was placed between two large bags of salt. Later on I would feel so ashamed of that; normally I would have been helping them, but I was reduced to such helplessness that the wagon was serving as an ambulance.

"YAH!" Cain yelled as the horses pushed through the snow. There was no way we would make anywhere fast as the cart had to be pulled through a couple feet of snow.

"Shh," Renee cried as she stroked my hair and covered me with a heavy blanket.

I squeezed my eyes shut and gasped. "I—I... breath, help—hurts, can't, I—"

"Angela, we have you now, don't say a word," I could hear the worry thick in Cain's voice, almost threatening tears. "You'll be fine, Jin will take care of you."

I wailed as the cart went over a bump that signified we had entered the cobblestone path that led into Harmonica Town.

"What's wrong?" voices echoed as we passed, but they were left behind, remaining faceless to me.

I sobbed as Cain picked me back up and raced up the stairs to the Clinic, Irene's alarmed face meeting ours as the door flew open.

"M-m-my heart—" I managed to gasp out as Jin came rushing in from the other room. I couldn't understand anything he was saying, but before I could be brought into the back room my eyes rolled back and my head thumped onto Cain's chest.

I had thought that was the end, but life isn't that kind.

* * *

I woke up to white lights and the smell of antiseptic. My hand gripped the railing of the bed as flashbacks of being in the hospital jolted me from my sleep. For a second I was afraid that I had never left, that I was still being treated with chemo; nausea immediately washed over me. I almost ripped the IV drip out of my arm out of fear as I looked around, wild-eyed.

"Angela,"

My head snapped to the voice.

"Angela," Jin repeated.

"Wh-wha happn'd?" my words slurred together. My hand went up to touch my mouth and I felt plastic tubing, realizing that I was connected to an oxygen tank. "Why do I ha' this?"

"Angela, I need you to calm down,"

I ripped it off of my head, remembering those other patients who had cancer in their lungs, ranging from bad to really bad. I only saw one or two of them recover, so the fact that I had something attached to me that I associated with them frightened me in a way I can't explain.

"Angela," he repeated my name one more time in that calm, patient voice. But his eyes told the truth as he helped wrap the tubing back behind my ears and stuck the nasal cannula into my nose.

Distress was written all over his suddenly careworn eyes.

"I don' need this," I said as he finished putting it back in its place.

"You won't have to wear this for much longer, we just needed to make sure you had enough oxygen," he reassured me. "There's nothing wrong with your lungs."

Relief washed over me, but at the same time the emotion felt disembodied. My consciousness felt further away from my body, a familiar sensation I remembered from all those times I had been hooked up to potent pain relievers. I looked up at the bag of fluid and the doctor nodded.

"This is the strongest narcotic we have, but I'm afraid that once you are off it the pain will return."

My head hurt as I remembered the paralyzing pain that had seemed like such a long time ago.

"H-how long ha'e I been out?" I swallowed, trying to concentrate on my words.

Jin glanced at the clock. "Oh... fifteen hours at most, I'd say. That is an impressively short amount of time for the state you were in."

"I'e had practice," I tried to smile, but he only pursed his lips together.

"You do realize," he began slowly, carefully picking out his words. "This was only the beginning. There is only so much I can do for you to keep you comfortable, if that's even the word I can use for it."

I nodded, remembering the city doctors openly criticizing the small town clinic they had never been to.

_You'll be lucky if you live for a year_, they had said. _Especially in a small clinic like that_.

They had walked away with their condescending voices and self righteous smiles. I hated the city doctors, I hated that they thought they were so were so high and mighty as though we were supposed to look to them as God.

I hated them.

"They were right,"

I stared at him, shocked as though he had somehow been reading my mind. He held a note that I had brought back with me, one that I hadn't bothered to read.

Oh.

"My small hospital does not have the adequacies to properly keep you alive. For that I am truly sorry,"

"No, i's my fault I'm like this; I chose to leave that God forsaken hosp'tal."

He didn't respond, and it occurred to me what the look on his face was; I had seen it so many times during the time I spent away. I had spent so much time myself with that expression.

"You've lost someone,"

"We all lose someone at some point,"

Everything clicked. There was a grave next the church that shared his last name, though I had always assumed it was a family member. At his wedding to Anissa he had replaced one ring with another, but I had never really thought of the significance of that (I had never really been that observantly clever, to tell the truth).

"Your wife,"

He gathered his things without a word.

"I..." I had never confided my past with anyone in the town, not even Kathy. But now... now I felt that I could open my pain up to someone who would know exactly how I felt. "I'm also a widow."

He slightly raised his eyebrows.

"I know your pain, I understand."

"The doctor who fell in love with a sick woman," he mused to himself. "I assume your story was quite a bit different,"

"He us'd to belong to the Mafia," I said bluntly.

"No less tragic, then,"

"I s'pose,"

"But you didn't lose your spouse because you thought you had the ability to save him yourself. You don't know the responsibility of a doctor to his dying wife." He didn't sound like he was saying his loss was worse, but more that our situations were very different. "We share the same loss, but not the same pain."

I didn't know how to respond. He was right, I didn't understand that kind of responsibility.

"But at the same time," he said before he slipped out of the room. "I can't even begin to understand yours."

* * *

The thing I liked about the small town clinic was that their visiting hours weren't distinguished between family and friends. There had been quite a few times Kathy and Chase had been kicked out of the hospital room because "only family can be with her at this time."

What a bunch of suckers; I didn't even have a family to be with.

Kathy was the first one to come rushing in.

"Oh Angie, Angie, Angie," she said as she held my hand, the one that didn't have the IV attached to it. "I haven't seen you this bad in months."

"I know," I agreed. "But at least it wasn't from chemo this time."

"Yeah, now you can keep down the food we bring you,"

"I don't plan on staying here, you know."

She raised her eyebrows. "But—"

"I'll be fine, they said I'll be able to go home if I allow them to put a drug pump in."

"They can do that here?"

"Surgery? Yes. It's nothing major, don't worry about it."

That was sort of a lie, because they would be inserting something into my spine. If they made a wrong move I could be paralyzed, but at this point I didn't really care. I refused to be confined to a hospital bed again after all that I'd gone through.

"All right," she let go of my hand, a trusting look in her eyes. "As long as you'll be okay,"

The next person who visited was Calvin. I had frantically tried to straighten my hair and smooth the hospital gown and smell my breath before he came in but I still looked like crap.

"Miss Angela," he tipped his hat. "You're looking lovely as ever."

"Thank you, Calvin,"

His hat was still over his eyes as he came and sat in the chair at my bedside. "You gave everyone quite a scare,"

"I'm sorry,"

"It's nothing to be sorry about, you just can't help these things."

Dying.

'These things' was dying.

Silence filled the air for a moment.

"Jin said we could move you to the window tonight," he started, "And I'll order from the inn to have a nice meal."

I perked up. "Oh, that's nice of you Calvin, but I'll be okay by myself."

His eyes were sad. "You don't know what today is, do you?"

"Um... it's not your birthday, is it?"

"It's the eleventh," he said, as if that date was supposed to mean something to me.

"I'm sorry,"

"Our Festival is tonight,"

"Oh."

Our Festival was another way we talked about the Starry Night Festival, the one we had always celebrated every year as friends. I couldn't believe I had forgotten all about it.

"I ordered us some food from the inn," he repeated.

"No,"

"Pardon?"

"No," I turned to him. I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. "I want you to go with Phoebe."

That was a lie.

"I... I don't want you to remember me this way every time you celebrate it in the future. I want you to remember the last one we had, and all the good ones before that."

He just stared at me.

I was so vain. I'd rather the man I'd loved go out with the woman he'd inevitably fall in love with than remember me as this sickly half-corpse I was.

"I can't do that. I can't let you spend your last—" he stopped himself. "I can't let you spend it alone in a hospital room. You've had too much of that for me to just leave you here alone during a tradition like this."

"No, I... want you to have a good time. I'll only ruin it for you. Please, Calvin, let me do this,"

He hesitated. "Miss Angela—" he sighed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and winked. "Go have fun, catch her before it's too late."

"I'll put that meal on hold for another day, how does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect. I'll see you then,"

He tipped his hat and left, but before I could start feeling too depressed there was a knock at the doorway.

"I, uh... didn't want to interrupt."

"What are you doing here?"

Chase sighed. "Is it always this way with you?"

"Sorry, that's not what I meant," I said as he walked to my bedside. "I thought you were angry at me,"

"Well, you know how it seems sorta wrong to stay angry at the dead? It's like that."

"Excuse you," I said, offended. "I'm not dead _yet_."

"Sorry, that's not what I meant," he said, obviously mocking me.

"Well if you're going to be a pain, then just leave."

He didn't say anything for a while. "Well, uh," he started, trying to figure out what to say. "I overheard your conversation—"

"So now you're an eavesdropper. Where does it end with you?"

"Will shut up and listen?" he sighed in exasperation then continued. "I've never actually celebrated this festival so I figured if you're going to spend it alone this year for your not-so-selfless reasons—"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well obviously you don't want him seeing you when you look so horrible,"

"The nerve—"

"But I'm right, aren't I?" I didn't respond. "You're not so hard to see through, you know."

"You're one to talk,"

"AND SO," he talked over my comment. "I thought that maybe you wouldn't be so lonely and I wouldn't have to eat all the food I mindlessly cook for these festivals that I don't even attend if I came here and spent it with you."

I flexed the fingers that had gone numb from the IV as I mulled over his proposition. To tell the truth, I was still annoyed with him from the other night. "Kathy put you up to this," I finally decided.

He flung his hands up in the air. "You know what, I don't know why I even try."

"You're the one that's always being impossible with people!"

"I'm trying to do something nice for you, Angela. I know that seems like an outlandish idea that maybe I _actually want to do something nice for someone_, but if _you're_ going to be the impossible one I may as well just leave."

"Don't go,"

He raised an eyebrow as he stood up.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... really mixed up these days. Some really big things happened to me yesterday, and I just..."

He sat back down. "It's not that I want to hear about your feelings or sob stories or anything, but if you need someone to talk to, well... I can go Kathy for you."

I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic, so I gave him _the look_.

He put up his hands in defense. "Kidding, sorry."

* * *

The meteor shower was gorgeous that night. We watched from the hospital window, and while it wasn't as spectacular as years past, it was still a nice thing to watch. This was also the best meal I had eaten during this festival, a flavorful risotto with just the right amount of citrus in it.

"So let me get this straight," Chase said as he stared out the window. "He was part of the mafia or something,"

"Yes,"

Now that I had already told one person about my husband I figured I could tell others about what was going on.

"And he owed them some huge debt,"

"Yes,"

I was hesitant to tell Chase at first, but I figured if he was going to go through the trouble of staying at the hospital with me for this festival, I may as well tell him.

"So he dropped your daughter off with some mystery person, didn't tell you who, then disappeared forever to protect his family."

"Basically,"

He blinked. "That's rough,"

This time it wasn't sarcastic at all. He actually sounded... sad, but not in a sympathetic way. Just, _sad_.

"I take back every bad thought I've had about you,"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, that you're annoyingly independent, that you're lack of close friends seems disturbing for your amount of friendliness, that you're too obsessed with farming—you know, I can go on, but now I can sorta excuse you for all that."

"Too obsessed with farming? Really?"

"I never understood the appeal,"

I tried to laugh, but my head ached.

"So anyway, the lady said your daughter is in some small town,"

"Yeah, and that Mabel doesn't know anything about me,"

"And an identity change,"

I nodded.

"And she had red—"

"Hair just like her father," I finished. "And bluish green eyes and fair skin and if only I could see what she looked like today..." I sighed.

"If only," he said. "I don't know about you, but all this sounds a lot like Chloe."

I dropped my fork.

"Are you oka—oh no. No, don't even think about it, I know that look." He shook his head vigorously.

"But... it all makes sense."

"Angela, no,"

"She would be the same age! A-and she has Charlie's hair! And eyes! And she was abandoned with her grandfather when she was a baby and who would he trust more than his own father and—"

"There's no way it can be her," Chase argued.

"But this _is_ a small, very safe town,"

"It's a one in a million chance,"

"Will you stop it?!" I nearly yelled. "Why can't it be her? When everything matches up so well... why are you so set on ruining this chance for me?"

"Because you're desperate,"

A chill went through me. _No_, I thought as I put the plate of food by my bedside and pulled up the thick quilts Renee had left for me. _You are not ruining my chances_.

That word though, _desperate_, gave me a horribly cold feeling. I couldn't shake it off, that maybe he was right.

I stared out the window, remembering one of the traditions was to make a wish on one of the falling stars.

"I wish," I whispered as I pulled the covers up to my face. "I wish that it will be her.

* * *

**A/N: For some reason I was under the impression that the Starry Night Festival was on the twenty-fourth in Animal Parade, so it's a darn good thing I checked Fogu as I was writing this chapter. I had to rewrite most of it so that it would make sense OTL**

**Unfortunately I had a hard time tying in the theme with this chapter so this one sorta doesn't work completely, but whatever.**


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